


[podfic, filk, script] Toss A Coin To My Patreon

by Elle_dubs (avril_o), ssleif, Wereflamingo



Series: DeathAndDestinyDnD [1]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: 6 filks in fact, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cryptozoology, Dungeons & Dragons Campaign, F/F, Filk, Gen, Geralt adopted Ciri, Getting Together, Jaskier is the GM, M/M, Other, Podfic, Podfic Length: 2-2.5 Hours, Rated M for explicit discussion in one episode, Renfri and Renfri's D&D character are nonbinary, Sex Education, Story within a Story, That's it that's the plot, YouTube, also they play DnD, that's where the graphic violence goes, they are all on youtube, violence is show-typical
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 23,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26106397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avril_o/pseuds/Elle_dubs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssleif/pseuds/ssleif, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wereflamingo/pseuds/Wereflamingo
Summary: A Witcher YouTube AU(we don't have a patreon please do not assume this contains actual links to patreon)The Witcher bunch, but a modern AU where they all play DnD together on YouTube. Four months in the lives of six people, as told by excerpts from their YouTube Channels.
Relationships: Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Dara, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Renfri | Shrike/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: DeathAndDestinyDnD [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911337
Comments: 22
Kudos: 38
Collections: Pod_Together 2020





	1. the fic/podfic

**Author's Note:**

> A Labor of Love for Pod_Together 2020
> 
> Primary Writer: SSLeif   
> Additionally written by: Wereflamingo  
> Filks Contributed by: Elle_Dubs, Wereflamingo  
> Primary Podficcers: Elle_Dubs, Wereflamingo  
> Additionally Voiced by: SSLeif, Phaden  
> Text Beta: badwolfbadwolf
> 
> Thanks to the fabulous mods who ran this, and were so chill with our 85 extensions. (okay, like two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some inspiration and occasional dialogue is borrowed from non-Witcher youtube channels, people, and podcasts. All such material is sourced at the end.
> 
> “Views” of any “trolls” in our abbreviated “comments” sections don’t necessarily reflect our own.

[Stream or download MP3 on Google Drive](https://drive.google.com/file/d/14YIebxk9BLptrzUkH9WhO5oTYeqYOhFN/view?usp=sharing) | **Size:** 58.5 MB | **Duration:** 02:16:35

### Witcher Campaign, Arc 3, Episode 2- Shrike’s Return!

55k views - Published Saturday, 25 August - 👍 👎 SHARE  
DeathAndDestinyDnD - 78k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[audio/video begins]

[Ukulele/Voice Intro Jingle, by Jaskier]

When a humble bard, graced a ride-along  
With the White Wolf of Rivia...

Toss a coin to your Witcher!  
Oh valley of Plenty, Oh valley of plenty, Oh-Oh-Oh...

[Jingle ends]

Jaskier: Alright my friends, watchers, and listeners, I’m Jaskier The Bard, and it’s time for another round of Death and Destiny! Sitting around my table today we have:

Geralt: Geralt, playing White Wolf, the Witcher

Yen: Yennefer Vengerberg playing Yenna the Sorceress

Dara: Dara playing Dara- elven healer and mage.

Ciri: Cirilla playing Fiona, the druid and Witcher-in-training!

Jask: And I’m the DM, and will be playing the rest of the NPC cast!  
Alright, our players today find themselves where we left off last time-- on the border of Nilfgaard, Dandelion serenading their steps like the loyal historian he is. [begins to play Ukelele]

Geralt: (quietly) Wait, is this really the moment for-

Jask: Shh  
[singing]  
This town, in need of a hero  
These farmers, being eaten by a beast

Ciri and Dara: (giggle)

Jask: This day, our intrepid band shows up  
The townsfolk beg them to halt the feast  
All of them all of them  
All of them all of them

Yen: Really Jaskier?

Jask: All of them all of them all of them  
All lined up  
Kings and knights refuse to help these people  
But the White Wolf and his party will fight the monster

Geralt: Don’t we always.

Jask: He takes to the woods; they get deeper and darker  
Yennefer, Fiona and Dara filling out the roster  
All of them all of them  
All of them all of them  
All of them all of them all of them  
All lined up!  
How long will we ride this path, love?

Yen: I would also like to know that.

Jask: How long ‘till we find the caves in which it hides?

Geralt: Hopefully soon.

Jask: My dreams are haunted by Fringilla, and armies from Nilfgaard.  
Fiona throws a stone into a cavern  
The beast lets out a fearsome cry!

Ciri: (fully interrupting) What does it sound like, Jaskier?

Jask: Your Face--  
[Uke cuts off]  
… What do _you_ think it sounds like Ciri?

Yen: Oh come on, let us hear it.

Dara: Yeah! Make the noise!

Jask: Uh…

Geralt: Come on Jask, don’t keep us in suspense.

Jask: Okay fine, you, you hecklers. Okay, okay Fiona threw the rock, and the monster made a sound that was something like [improbable screeching, growling, howling noise]

[a beat of silence]

Yen: (deadpan) Scary.

Ciri and Dara: (laughing)

Jask: Okay! Players! When you have quite gotten over yourselves, and Dandelion has wisely retreated to the treeline where he might observe and compose but not be eaten… What is your next move?

Dara: Wait, why did you throw the rock again?

Ciri: Well, Dara, if this monster is one of Fringilla’s, then the cave might be booby-trapped, right?

Yen: Definitely possible. I would not put it past Fringilla.

Geralt: Traps or no, the monster is certainly prepared for _us_ now.

Ciri: (hopefully) … A Witcher is always brave?

Geralt: (mildly annoyed) A Witcher _occasionally_ pauses to assess and prepare before-

Jaskier: Aaaaaaand the creature bursts out of the cave! Sorry, guys, Fiona woke it, and I don’t think it would just hang out there while you talked about maybe making a plan at some point. 

Geralt: (quietly, in protest) J _as_ kier…

Jaskier: (also quietly) Hush Geralt, I’m going to describe the monster! (Loudly again:) The creature is huge! And vast! And immense! Two hind legs, furred and solid, two forelegs, scaled and taloned, three heads: one, a wicked looking serpent to the left-

Ciri: (softly) Whose left? 

Dara: My left.

Geralt: Hush.

Jaskier: Serpent to the _monster’s_ right, the middle head: a terrible snarling lion with a great mane, streaked in dried blood, and the leftmost head: a terrifying eagle with a great beak and bloodstained feathers. It stands at the mouth of the cave and vocalizes: a terrible snarling screeching cry!  
Players, you have but a moment! What do you do?

Ciri: … I rob it. 

GROUP: “No.” “You Don’t”

Ciri: … Dara robs it.

Dara: I do not rob it.

Ciri: Fine. I dash closer, and stab it with my sword.

Jaskier: Is your sword drawn? 

Ciri: …I draw my sword. 

Geralt: (Sighs) I also draw my sword.

Yen: I open my pouch and pull out a flashbang.

Dara: I cast ‘Bless’ on the party.

Jaskier: Okay! The hydra rears up, ready to attack, and White Wolf? That eagle head is looking at you.

Geralt: I-

Jaskier: Really quick, can I have everyone roll perception?

[Dice x 4]

(responses overlapping)  
Ciri: Failure by 2  
Dara: Success exactly  
Yen: … do I get the bonus?  
Geralt: Succeed. By four.

Jask: For Perception of Magic? Yes, I think you do, Yen.

Yen: Then almost a critical success.

Jask: Okay, so, Ciri, the bulk of the monster is between you and the thing everyone else sees, so you don’t see this, but everyone else notices a man in gray robes sneak out of the cave behind the monster, and take off into the trees. Yen, you can tell he is a magic user of some kind… and, close to crit-succeed, you can even tell that the same magic you sense on him is also all over the monster.  
Okay, the monster is rearing, eagle’s coming for White Wolf, roll for initiative.

[Dice]

Ciri: … Why did you roll twice, Jaskier?

Jask: Never you mind, cub.  
Okay, Geralt’s at 18, take it away!

Geralt: Dodge action, to my right. 

Jask: Okay, monster next, eagle head swooping down to viciously bite at the Witcher’s neck… [Dice, Dice] And the Witcher executes a beautiful roll and springs up, next to where the eagle head has just hit the dirt instead.  
Fiona, You’re next.

Ciri: Finally! I slash the eagle in the neck with my sword! [Dice] 

Jask: Success! Okay, roll for damage, plus the bonus die from ‘Bless’. So that’s a d4 and d8. 

Ciri: Plus the magic Witcher sword bonus.

Jask: Nope. This is not an undead beastie or anything else. Possibly created by magic, but not, now, particularly vulnerable to Witcher magicks.

Ciri: … fine. [Dice]

Jask: Nice! That’s a good roll. Fiona takes a huge swing with her Witcher sword and catches the beast-- thwack!-- right in the neck. It screeches in pain and fury… and it’s time for the sorceress to make her move!

Yen: Excellent. Okay, I abandon the group and take off after the mage.

Jask: Okay. You’ll be leaving the range of Dara’s Blessing, but on your next turn you can roll to catch up with the mage. Dara?

Dara: Maintain Bless, and I step back a little, because I can see the monster’s range.

Geralt: [Dice] I catch it in the neck as well and [Dice] deal 16 damage.

Jask: Nice. Okay, the eagle head jerks back in a spectacular fountain of blood, and the lion head comes down. 

Yen: [Dice] I totally catch the mage

Jask: That’s nice, Yen, but Ciri goes next.

Ciri: Right! Uh, I dash after the eagle head, and hit it again. [Dice] okay, maybe I don’t hit it.

Jask: Fiona dashes over in a streak of white light too fast to follow-- But all her speed doesn’t make her any taller, and her slash only glances off the beast’s armoured chest, instead of striking true on its injured neck.  
Okay Yen, you totally catch the mage.

Yen: May I also punch him.

Jask: I would like that, but you are both still moving away, soo…

Yen: I cast Yrden, to slow him down, and hold him in place so I can punch him.

[Dice]

Jask: Ooh, success on the button. You successfully cast Yrden, and he does stop, but you are barely holding him in place.

[Audio fades out]

...

[Timestamp 26:14, audio fades in]

Jask: … so you hit him, but only for two more damage, and he responds with a fireball [dice] which does hit you I think.

Yen: [dice] It does.

Jask: For [dice]... 8 damage, ouch.

Geralt: The Lion Head is close to the ground, I’m going to try to pin-

Jask: (sounding distracted) Hang on... before you take your turn…

[dice]

Jask: (breathes in sharply, excited) From out of nowhere-

Dara: (whispering) Was that a nat 20!? What did he roll for?

Jask: (cont.) -nowhere, the tip of a shortsword suddenly protrudes from the mage’s throat. 

Group: (sounds of confusion, excitement)

Jask: Yennefer the sorceress looks over his shoulder, and standing, smirking, just at the edge of the tree line is a person she’s never seen before. Slim, with dark hair coming down in waves to their jawline, an ornate brown leather jerkin with a gold brooch fastened just over where their heart would be. The brooch is jewel-encrusted, but fashioned in a strange shape, almost like a face, laughing at the world-

Ciri: (gasps) Renfri?

[footsteps, the sound of hinges]

Renfri: Hello cub. Did you miss me?

Ciri and Dara: RENFRI!!

[the sound of chairs screeching/sliding on floor, feet running, cloth rustling]

Renfri: [sound of a body-on-body impact] Oof! I’ve only been gone ten months! How are you guys so much taller already!? Have you been good?

[crosstalk]

Ciri: Renfri! Why didn’t you say you were back!?  
Dara: Ciri got a suspension for punching Bobby Miller  
Renfri: I didn’t know very early; a project fell through.

Renfri: Wait, you punched a kid?  
Dara: What Project? Can you tell us since it isn’t going to happen now?  
Ciri: He was being an asshole to us and since Dara couldn’t ...

Dara: Also Dara doesn’t punch people…

Geralt: Ciri.. 

Ciri: What? He _was_ being an asshole!

Jask: Yes, but they will never believe you’re sorry if you keep calling him an asshole.

Renfri: Yes I can tell you, Dara, but that should probably wait until after… 

Yen: After we’ve been introduced?

Renfri: Yes exactly. 

Yen: Yennefer Vengerberg, nice to meet you.

Renfri: I’m--  
Yen: Renfri?  
Renfri: (still smiling) Yes. Renfri Waldeck. I played with them for a while before took this last job in Vancouver, and since Jaskier said he had someone in mind to invite in… 

Yen: Yes, he asked me if I wanted to. I’d never played before-

Renfri: You’re good! Ah, nice to listen to. I’ve only caught a few of the episodes while I’ve been gone, but you seemed to really take to it, and-

Yen: Oh, you watched us? I’m glad-

Jaskier: (clearing his throat) Okay, yes, Renfri this is Yen, Yennefer, this is Renfri, I’m glad everyone is getting along, but we should probably finish this session before the battery on my camera dies, so…

[noise of chairs etc as ppl start to resume their seats, cont into dialogue]

Geralt: We’d still be playing, if you hadn’t made it so dramatic-

Jask: (quietly) Hush, you love my showmanship. (Louder) And it _is_ Renfri! Child of the black sun, terror of Blaviken, and faker of deaths, it is The Shrike! Back against all odds! The party is full of questions! How did they survive? Did the Witcher know? What have they been up to? From which strange lands have they come? How many fair lads, maidens, and personages who defy the gender binary did they leave heartbroken along the way?

Geralt: Alright, _Dandelion_...

Jask, chastised: ...No doubt, The Shirke is full of tales to be told another time! Uh. where… yes. Critical success, the mage gurgles. Renfri, anything else you would like to do on your turn?

Renfri: Yes. It’ll take me and Yennefer at least a turn to rejoin the group right?

Jask: Assuming you defeat the mage, yes…

Renfri: Okay, can we finish this scene then? And just sit out the appropriate number of turns afterwards?

Jask… I’m willing to entertain it.

Renfri: The Shrike strolls up, leisurely, as the bewildered mage-- (aside, to Jaskier) Did he fail his fright check?

Jaskier: [Dice] Oh yes, he absolutely failed his fright check. This is too good. He won’t pass out, but he’s definitely stunned.

Renfri: Sweet. Okay.  
The Shrike strolls up leisurely, as the bewildered Mage tries to gasp for air through his punctured throat. They make eye contact with the beautiful and impressive sorceress, place their hand on the hilt of the shortsword, smile in a flirtatious but respectful manner, and yank the sword straight out sideways.

[Dice for success of action] 

Jask, quietly: Fuck yes. It’s a very sharp sword.

[Dice for damage]

Renfri: It is a Very Sharp sword. Blood sprays, but stains neither of the two still standing, as the mage collapses- (quietly) Does he collapse?

Jask: [Dice] He does collapse, he’s unconscious.

Renfri: “The name’s George Cooper, or it was until recently”, the Shrike says, holding out a blood-spattered hand, “Though I was once known here as The Shrike.”

Yen:... Yennefer of Vengerberg. A pleasure to make your acquaintance. I take the hand. 

Renfri: Shrike lifts the sorceress’s hand to their mouth, and respectfully, but flirtatiously, kisses her knuckles gently. 

Jaskier: (quietly to the microphone) Renfri is actually kissing Yen’s knuckles.

Renfri: Well, milady, shall we show the rest of your party how to kill a Hydra?

Yen: I do believe we shall. Absolutely.

[episode fades out]

**{Comments}**

_AgnosticArtist:_ ooh does this mean we are FINALLY GETTING A ROMANCE PLOTLINE???  
_Kidcool97:_ Uh, idk what show YOU’VE been watching, but we def already have one…  
_AgnosticArtist:_ DandyWolf? That burn is so slow it’s frozen.

 _DM of Ages Sub4Sub:_ !!!!!! You guys brought Renfri Back! The Shrike was my favorite!! Aaaaahahhaaaahahaiifvidjfivejfvneijnv

 _DragonLuver69:_ Good first episode back, guys. Will there be dragons this season??

  
  
  


### Bad Women- Redux

60k views - Published Tuesday, 28 August - 👍 👎 SHARE  
Jaskier The Bard - 122k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Begin video, ukulele, singing]

Jaskier: 60 maidens in bright gold crowns  
They call them monsters and they hunt them down  
There’s a mutation, so the sorcerers say  
You’ll find the truth on the surgeon’s tray

Isn’t it easy when it’s not your skin  
Spinning tales about the beast within  
You’ll never know until they’ve paid the price  
The lesser evil takes a sacrifice

Bad women who won’t stay down  
Locked up in their towers, poisoned and drowned  
End of the world is coming, let it all burn  
The black sun maidens say it’s Lilit’s turn

Rivers of blood will wash the valleys clean  
You were a princess, never been queen  
Just break it down and build it up all new  
You know this world was never meant for you

Bad women who won’t stay down  
Locked up in their towers, poisoned and drowned  
End of the world is coming, let it all burn  
The black sun maidens say it’s Lilit’s turn

Down in Blaviken Sunday market  
Stregobor set a trap of swords  
The Shrike went down after years of fighting  
But the Witcher never let him take the corpse

So are they monsters, or just people plain?  
You’ve heard them speak but never felt their pain  
You could try silver, but you’ve thought before  
Maybe the monster’s name is Stregobor

Bad women who can’t stay down  
Locked up in their towers, poisoned and drowned  
End of the world is coming, let it all burn  
The black sun maidens say it’s Lilit’s turn

The black sun maidens say it’s Lilit’s turn

[Song ends]

Jaskier: Hey friends, how are you all doing out there? It’s a lovely day here-- I was just working on the next section of my Witcher Campaign-- Go check us out, Death and Destiny, link’s down in the description.

Anyway, working on that, as some of you know our friend Renfri Waldeck is back in town! Renfri is a fight choreographer, among other things, and they left the campaign last year for a while to work for a couple of productions in Canada, causing us to have to cut The Shrike plotline lethally short. 

But they’re back! Renfri and I had spoken several times about the campaign, and I have had an idea for how to reincorporate the Shrike character almost from the beginning… so it’s very satisfying to get to do so now.

So yeah, some of you may remember this song from last year-- “Dandelion” performed a version of it as a lament to Renfri’s character when they left… and yeah, I guess those themes have been on my mind, as I flesh out this new branch of the story. I tuned it up a little, and there’s maybe a hint or two about the upcoming plot if you squint, since I know some of you have fun with that. 

Oh, and I’m sorry for those of you who prefer the less filk-y music, but if you’ve been following me for very long, you know how I get when I’m writing Witcher stuff. Bear with me, and I promise we’ll get a little more variety in here soon enough.

Alright, that’s enough waffling. Stay well everybody, and thanks for hanging out with me! Do the YouTube things! Maybe check out my patreon! Catch you later!

[static, cut]

Jaskier: (playing and singing)  
... say it’s Lilit’s turn

[Ciri’s voice joins in, maybe sounding a tiny bit breathless or excited]

Both: Rivers of blood   
[Jask, surprised, drops out]   
Ciri: will wash the valleys clean

Both: You were a princess, never been a queen  
Just break it down and build it up all new  
You know this world was never meant for you

Bad women who won’t stay down  
Locked up in their towers, poisoned and drowned  
End of the world is coming, let it all burn  
The black sun maidens say it’s Lilit’s turn

[singing/Uke ends]

Jaskier: Okay, cub, should I take this to mean you finished your homework?

Ciri: … Maybe?

Jaskier: (sighs) If it doesn’t get done, Geralt’s not going to let me watch you-

Ciri: I don’t need a sitter; I’m not five.

Jaskier: -not going to let us hang out together after you get out of school anymore. So, how about you go finish your work, and I’ll record my episode, and in [Pause, presumably to check the time] half an hour we meet in the kitchen for a snack, and then-

Ciri: And then you’ll play Bad Women for me again?

Jaskier: (laughing a little) And then we can totally have a Bad Women sing-along. Deal?

Ciri: Deal!

[Sound of feet scampering away, door slamming]

Jaskier: Well, that’s definitely going to require another take.

[laughter that cuts off when the video ends]

**{Comments}**

_Flux Your Mom_ : Aw that was really sweet. I love that these people seem to actually be friends in real life/off camera.

 _Gezzeius06/GG:_ No! I like this stuff. I like your other stuff too, but I love the more folk stuff. <333

 _FreeRangeGrass_ : So What do we think the hint is? More Black Sun kids? We’ve only seen, what, two of them so far?

  
  
  
  


### Back Home Again with New Projects and Adventures!

13k views - Published Friday, 31 August - 👍 👎 SHARE  
Renfri Waldeck - 43k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Audio cuts in]

Renfri: Hello YouTube! 

As you see, I’m back home again! This’ll be a quick update-- a rundown on what I’ve been up to, and what projects are coming up, so feel free to skip it if you’re only here for tutorials.

Okay, for everyone else, I just finished a job I can’t talk about in Vancouver. You may have noticed I’ve been radio-silent for the last month or so? That’s been why. Confidentiality agreements, you know the drill. The film won’t be released until late next year, and I don’t know yet when I’ll be able to talk about it, so we’re all going to have to be patient. Most especially me. 

But! I’m back, so that means a couple of things.

First, it means that if you’re in the area, Sensei Vilgefortz has agreed to let me run a couple of classes out of his Dojo again, so keep your ears tuned for that. I’ll drop a link to his website in the description box, and once we have the particulars ironed out, I’ll plug it on the community tab as well. 

More than likely it’ll be at least one section, maybe two, of basic self-defense training, and then there will be hopefully a couple of different stage-combat courses. Probably one that’s hand-to-hand, likely at least one one some variety of swordplay… and I know there was interest in one that was Star Wars specific, so if there’s still enough interest, I believe I have the material to offer that as well.

Yes, with fake lightsabers.

Okay, next, I’m sure some of you have been watching, but I’m back involved with the Death and Destiny RPG channel? If you’re new here, we are playing an original campaign my friend Jaskier has been writing and running, and it’s a lot of fun. Jask and I got connected through LARPing way back when, and he’s a good dude. There’s a couple of other YouTubers who play with us as well, including one I’ve just met, Yennefer Vengerberg!

You all know her better than I do so far, I bet, if you’ve been following, but I’m very excited.

To play with everyone! Not just her. But, yeah, anyway, you can check that out if high-fantasy tabletop gaming is your thing. 

Oh, and I’m a little bit sorry I went on there before dropping this update, except I’m not sorry at all, because my entrance is excellent, if I do say so. 

Okay, I think that’s almost it. Last thing, I have a piece I’m working on that should be up here in the next little while-- one in my tutorial series, on how to add fight choreography to existing dialogue. I know there was some interest in this before I took the last job, so I scripted it while I was away. I need a second person for this, and my friend Kyle McAffree, some of you will remember him from the video on how to become an extra? Yes, he agreed to play opposite me, and he’s got a lighting guy, and Austin Maddox is down to film, so we’ve got all we need… except a day to film it. I’ll keep you all in the loop on that one, and post an update when we finally get something on camera. 

(laughs, self-deprecatingly)

Alright then, that’s it for now! So, look out for the information on my classes, look out for that tutorial, and maybe drop me a comment if there’s anything else you’d like to see, now that I have the time again! Thanks for liking, subscribing, and sticking with me even when I drop off the map for months and months.

It’s good to be home!

[episode ends]

**{Comments}**

_KyHux4Life:_ Welcome back!!!

 _Ems Mortensen:_ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah the anticipation is killing me

 _SoapQueeeenie:_ u should come to my city and teach!! Phoenix!! There is a market!!

 _Boen2000:_ I wish i lived closer it would be so awesome to get to go to the star wars class 

  
  
  
  


### Consent is Crucial | Intro Song Retrospective and Q&A

102k views - Published Wednesday, 5 September- 👍 👎 SHARE  
Yennefer Vengeberg - 234k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE 

-

[Audio/Video begins]

[Ukulele/Voice Intro Jingle, by Jaskier]

All you gotta do is use your words and check in.  
Go on and ask 'em.

La La La La, La La La La Laaaaaaaaaa...

[Jingle ends]

Yennefer: Hello lovely people! How are we doing today?

I've been getting some questions about my intro song, so today we're going to do a close-listening: we're going to listen to a bit, and then I'll answer questions about that part of the song.

For those of you who don't know, I wrote this in collaboration with Jaskier The Bard-- He's the one singing and playing. I only have a few lines... which are kind of fun, but not, in fact, singing. You can hear me in the bridge a little bit.

Click the link below for the original video of the song, if you would like to listen to it uninterrupted.

Let's get started.

[Uke, Kazoo, then Jaskier singing]

What's Consent?  
It's when you ask permission,  
Before You touch  
Not just that they don't say No

[cut]

Yen: Okay, so about this, I got a question from Ky Tha Cloud. Ky asks: What do you mean "not just that they don't say no"? If you ask permission, and they don't say no, isn't that the point of asking permission?

And the answer is... well first of all, you don't want "not a No"- you want a "yes". Preferably an enthusiastic Yes. But especially you want a yes because in some cultures people don't say no directly.

But that's not even the point of this. The point was that you have to ask, because "no", "No" isn't what people say when you don't ask. What people say when you don't ask is "stop". When we talk about "no", we're pretending we're asking, when no asking actually happened.

So when people say: "well, they didn't say no..." If you didn't ask, you didn't leave room to say no. "No" is the answer to a question you didn't ask.

Alright, let's keep going.

[Uke, Jaskier singing]

Maybe they're polite  
and just don't want to cause a scene...

[Cut]

Yen: SoFrozen asked "do people really have sex they don't want, just because they're polite?"

Yes, absolutely yes. As I just said, in some cultures people are raised to never say No. And sometimes it's in your own culture. Women are often raised not to say No. Definitely, women are raised to not be disruptive.

And see that's, that's the thing. That's why it's important that the word that people use when they're never asked is stop. It's not No.

"Stop" is disruptive. By definition, "stop" is meant to disrupt what's happening.

Also, I would like to mention, "just don't want to cause a scene", yes that is part of how people are raised to not be disruptive, but also, the person making the scene is not the person who said "stop". It's the other person in the situation.

If your partner makes a scene every time you don't want to have sex-- you're being manipulated. If every time you say no, you have to spend tons of time just reassuring them, smoothing their ego...

[Time skip]

[Uke, Jaskier singing]

Or on Autopilot...

[Cut]

Yen: Adam Grifman asked "What do you mean by autopilot? Is it just that someone's not paying attention? Why's that such a consent issue? And how would we even know?"

Well, when I say "autopilot", what I mean is "dissociation". I'm going to compile a bibliography of links to my previous videos that you can see in the descrition box... Thhis one, I think it _was_ called "Dissociation" or "Dissociation during sex", so you can find all the information there...

But just to summarize it a little bit, "dissociation" is when you're just... not there. You're physically there, you might even be active, doing things? But your mind is not there.

The simplest form would be daydreaming, distraction, that's... it's still best to check in, but it's not as much of a consent issue. But then, sometimes dissociation can be a coping mechanism for people who have a history of sexual assault or sex work, specifically prostitution, and in that case it IS a serious consent issuebecause... they're only going to feel worse.

And how do you know? You check in! And you check in often.

If you know that your partner has a histoey of sexual assault, you check in often.

But also you can kind of see it, you can kind of feel it, that this person is not with you.

They're moving, but they are not... making eye contact, for example. They're not attentive to you, and to your reactions, and that's a ting that happens sometimes. One partner doesn't want to be having sex, so they're just kind of... checked out, and then they don't notice that the other partner _also_ doesn't want to be doing it...

[Time Skip]

[Uke, Jaskier singing]

La La Lala, La La Lalalaaaaaa  
Go on and ask 'em  
Are you okay?  
Is this still fun?  
Do you want to stop?  
We can do something else...

[Cut]

Yen: AJ Matlock asks "Isn't 'we can do something else' still coercicive? Or manipulative? It's like a false choice in sales..."

Well yes, and no. Definitely by "we can do something else", Jaskier and I didn't mean "At least give me a handjob." Although it can be that. It can be a different sex act that you're more comfortable with, or just kissing or cuddling, or watching a movie. But it's true that even all that is not enough. You're also allowed to not want to do anything together. "I want to go home" is super valid and also very important too, if the person you're with is very persistent. In that situation...

[Time Skip]

[Uke, Jaskier singing]

What's consent?  
Consent is a descision  
Yes or no  
Desire or attraction can't replace consent  
Or your autonomy  
'Cause only you decide

[Cut]

Yen: Yeah, you know what, I didn't actually get any questions about this one, but I don't care. I hope I didn't get questions about this because you already know this. Because I have repeated it multiple times, which you can see in several video that I will link below, the major ones being "when you want to but you don't" and "you can't secretly consent: the fantasy of mindreading".

But the main point is that consent is a descision, deep-down desire can NOT replace consent, and the descision that you make? _That's_ what the other person has to respect. Yeah, so, in "When You Want to but You Don't", we have a whole list of reasons why people might not have sex even when they really want to. Reasons like: Being monogamus with someone else, Lack of supplies, being busy, not feeling safe, abstinence... and in "You Can't Secretly consent: The Fantasy of Mindreading", I talk about how there _is_ this fantasy of saying "No", and getting what ou secretly wanted anyway. But that's a fantasy. Because even if you're sure you're so hot and everyone wants you, you don't know if this person feels like that about you or people like you. And for somepeopl, even if it's someone they wanted, in real life that will make them feel unsafe. Because it's a red flag. You see that a lot in...

[Time Skip]

[Uke, Jaskier singing]

And you gotta talk, you can’t read their mind  
And they cannot read yours; For real communication  
All you gotta do is use your words and check in  
Go on and ask them

[Cut]

Yen: Sarah asks "But what about bodylanguage?"

What _about_ body language? Guys, you can't rely on bady language, if this is someone new.

In a more long-term sexual relationship, yes, you might be able to rely on bodylanguage. But eb=ven then, you have to make sure to ask _sometimes_ , just to make sure you don't continuosly misinterpret bod language. You have to use your words because: You can't read their mind. You have _your_ interpretation of bodylanguage, which, you know you have to ask yourself, are you just seeing ehat you want to see?

The only way to make sure is ask.

[Uke, Jaskier singing]

Y'know, you can change your mind anytime you need to  
Now repeat after me  
We're gonna start real quiet  
What do you want? (What do you want)  
How does this feel? (How does this feel)  
Show me what you like (show me what you like)  
It’s just that easy to make consent sexy!

[Cut]

Yen: And we got to that bridge now.

Yeah I actually got multiple questions and suggestions on this. Why did I not make it more prominent? Why didn't I make the song: Consent is Sexy?

Guys, it's _true_ that consent is sexy. That's what we call dirty talk, I really don't understand _why_ people dont understand that consent is sexy.

But that's not the point. Even if it wasn't sexy, first and foremost, consent is _cruciaI._

Alright, that's it for today. I'm still working on my next plans. There might possibly be a collab or two in the works with Renfri Waldeck, but no promises because I have no clue what I could possibly do on their channel.

They're really cool, they have this really awesome channel of fight choreography, so you can see why I'm Skeptical. I just met them a couple of weeks ago, on the witcher campaign of DeathandDestinyDnD, where I play, as you know? So, originally I took their spot, when they had to leave, butthey're back now and, yeah, they're really cool.

Oh, sorry to those of you who haven't seen it yet, because that was definitely a spoiler. But, it has been a while, so, you know your own fault for not keeping up. But go watch it now, there's a link in the description box.

And that is all. So, stay lovely, and keep on practicing good consent, and I hope i'll see you soon- with or without collabs- with new content for the channel.

[Ending Jingle, Uke, Jaskier singing]

Consent is crucial  
[kazoo]  
(laughter)

[Audio/video ends]

**{Comments}**

_this is not fbi_ : Someone’s got a cruuuuuuuush

 _Sunstars:_ So would you say Renfri Waldeck is… cool?  
_Sappy Stephen_ : XDDDDDdD

 _Joan Cooper_ : I, for one, welcome our new ship, and look forward to a Rennefer collab  
_Da Ninja Genko_ : Surely not. Surely “Yenfri” is the way to go.  
_Joan Cooper:_ Hm. VengeDeck. Or Wallgerberg.  
_TJLCLives:_ Vengedeck Wallgeberg? Didn’t he play Sherlock? 

  
  
  
  
  


### POSTMORTEM: Witcher Campaign, 303

28k views - Published Saturday, 15 September - 👍 👎 SHARE  
DeathAndDestinyDnD - 81k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Begin Audio/Video]

[Ukulele/Voice Intro Jingle, by Jaskier]

When a humble bard, graced a ride-along  
With the White Wolf of Rivia...

Toss a coin to your Witcher!  
Oh valley of Plenty, Oh valley of plenty, Oh-Oh-Oh...

[Jingle ends]

Jaskier: And hello friends, watchers, and listeners! It’s time for another postmortem where we read mail and comments, check out fanart, answer questions, and talk about the last episode. Sitting around the living room today I’ve got:

Geralt: Geralt

Renfri: Renfri

Yen: Yennefer

Jaskier: No kids today, just us Mature Persons.

Yen: That’s rich, coming from you.

Jask: (doing the mock outrage thing from Bottled Appetites) Oh! Ho! Wha! How very dare-

Renfri: How’s everyone doing today?

Jaskier: (pause to collect himself) … that my line.   
How’s everyone? Good? Yes? Lovely.   
Okay, let’s get started.   
First, we got a lovely email, DeathAndDestinyDnD, all one word, at gmail, send us something, go on… Here, Mark from Spokane says “Hey guys, good job on the last episode. Really digging the energy with Renfri on board. Was just curious, is the Shrike supposed to be genderfluid then? There are so few characters like that, I wanted to be sure before I got too excited about the rep. Also, what pronouns do you use for the Shrike? I’ve just recently worked out that I’m not binary, and I’m still exploring pronouns, so it was extra nice to see a character like this. Thanks!”

Renfri: Yeah, Mark, you’re right on. I intended Shrike to be nonbinary, as I am, but specifically genderfluid. Seemed like a good move for a couple reasons, representation for _sure_... We talked back when we had the first run with the Shrike about having them… for someone whose perception of gender roles is as rigid as Streggs’ is, to have someone who not only has a lot of power, but also who flat out rejected those gender roles would be an interesting move. That this was part of why he hated the Shrike so particularly… there wasn’t ever a good moment to explore the fluidity really, during that first arc with the character, so my thinking was that after Shrike has to leave, they’ve got the option to explore their presentation further, and we could at least allude to that having happened, even if it doesn’t end up more present in this particular arc…

Yen: And pronouns?

Renfri: Right, yeah, so they/them most of the time. While he was offscreen, I have a whole backstory about him exploring the masculine space in his gender, but part of the desire to come back and face Stregobor again coincided with a swing back to a less masc space for them, so we will probably be sticking with they/them for this arc of the campaign. 

Yen: What about… Shrike is royal, right? Is there a title… Highness maybe…

Renfri: That they prefer? I think, I think titles are different? I think Shrike would be okay with titles like Princess or Queen, since for them that’s more about, like, rank, and also is in their past, and then they might choose to eschew gender roles in other ways. Yeah, I think so.

Jask: Alright, thank you Mark, from Spokane, and congrats on figuring yourself out! We wish you luck on that journey. Nicely done.  
… Okay, next one… Huh. Subject line says “Roachie Fan Art”, but no message on this one. Uh, from Allison? I don’t want to read your whole email address out there, but, uh, thank you, maybe-Allison. If you accidentally sent this without a message, feel free to email us again later with anything you wanted to say.  
The art should show up… up here somewhere… but I’ll pass my tablet around for us here… yeah this is a sweet one, what a cute pup. Thanks Maybe-Allison.

Geralt: Very nice. It’s Roach and I up by the falls. Her coat is very accurate.

Yen: Oh it’s a _dor_ able. Jaskier, I want a copy of this one.

Jaskier: I’ll send it to everyone. Ciri is going to really like this one.

Geralt:... She has started a Roach-board

Yen: A Roach… board?

Jaskier: Oh! That’s what the big corkboard she had me bring last week was for!

Geralt: Yes. It’s above the couch now.

Yen: Okay, well, we’re all coming over for dinner this week then...

Geralt: You are not.

Renfri: Come, Geralt, invite us over to see your etchings--

Jaskier: … aaaaaaand we have some snail-mail as well this week!. Yen, you can field this one if you want. We’ve got Skylar from Omagh, Northern Ireland. This letter’s come a long way!

Yen: Ooh, hello Skylar from Omagh! Thank you very much!   
[Paper tearing sounds]  
[Paper unfolding]  
… okay, Skylar says “Hello, Shrike is my favorite character,” Oh, Renfri, would you rather-?

Renfri: Nah, go ahead.

Yen: Alright.  
“Shrike is my favorite character. I will be very h… happy and… excited when they kill Stregobor dead.”. And then there’s another note “Hi, this is Skylar’s mom, if it’s too hard to read, here’s what Skylar meant” and she’s rewritten Skylar’s note here. Thanks Skylar’s mom, but it looks like we figured it out... [Pause, shift of paper] “I also hope Skylar’s drawing isn’t too bloody for YouTube. Keep up the great work, all of you, we love the show.” Oh, thanks Skylar, and Skylar’s mother. And yes, there’s one more piece of paper here let me unfold-- [paper] oh. Yes. this is quite bloody. But look, Renfri! That’s clearly the Shrike, see, Skylar’s drawn your little brooch with the smiley face… 

Renfri: And I think we can clearly deduce that that is Stregobor there on the right, and he has… a nametag it looks like? 

Yen: Yes. It says, I think “Hello my name is: Stupid face”. And yeah, the Shrike is running Stregobor through with their sword and there is, indeed a lot of blood, so it makes sense that Stregobor would be dead, as I assume from the Xs on his eyes, since he lost that much blood.  
Wonderful! Thank you Skylar! We don’t know yet what’s going to happen with the Shrike and Stregobor, but I think Shrike would love it if this was exactly what happened.

Renfri: 100% they would.

Yen: Thank you so much for the letter and the drawing!

Jask: This one is definitely going on the board up here, next to that one from the other day with the striga…

[Audio/video fades out]

**{Comments}**

_Panic! At My Love Life:_ I lOve Renfri! Enbies of the world UNITE!

 _SleepyCanine:_ so, bets on whether Geralt ever meets Mothman?  
_Jason Baer:_ Mothman doesn’t exist…?  
_SleepyCanine:_ Slander and Lies!! XD

 _Jack Z:_ Is Stregobor, like, a real dude? They all seem to really hate the guy, like, as if he’s real or something?  
_Ballzzzzz:_ There’s speculation, sometimes Jaskier bases his fictional characters on real   
people, like Dandelion on himself, but for obvious reasons they’ve never   
confirmed that Streggs is a real dude. Like, how shitty must the dude be to   
have inspired multiple campaigns pissing on him??  
_Borbs uwu:_ Probs shittty enough to make trouble if he had them on record…

 _Chris Horne:_ Did u get my drawing?? I didn’t see it in this episode??  
_JaskierTheBard:_ Yes we did! And it looks great, but since it seemed to be about Dara and   
Ciri, we’ve still got it in the pile for the next time they are on a   
postmortem with us. So you should see it in a future episode!

 _SCP 051220:_ Wait, okay, I’m new. Geralt has his own channel? What does he even do there?  
…does he even talk enough to have his own channel?  
_Holo My Leetle Frend:_ Oh you Sweet Summer Child...

  
  
  


### 9/20/2018, 2:36 pm

19k views - Published Thursday, 20 September - 👍 👎 SHARE  
On the Path with Roach - 21k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Video/Audio begins: ambient outdoors, wind through trees, crunch of footsteps/sticks, occasional panting of dog or jingle of leash, occasional birdsong]

Geralt: What’d you find there, Roach? Do you smell something?

[Crunch of footsteps]

Geralt: Oh you found some tracks. Good girl, Roachie. 

Hmm. Lagomorph. Large, long toes, visible pad even in this silt. 

You’ve found yourself a hare, Roach. Shall we see where it went?

Lead the way...

[Crunch of footsteps]

I didn’t see much of a hind paw print, so it’s probably not a Snowshoe.

Could be a White-tailed Jackrabbit. We’re at some elevation... But it wasn’t very big for a white tail. And they’re more rare anyway.

[Crunch, pause, dog sniffing sounds]

Does that smell good? What did you find?

Yes, here’s another print in this mud. Good job, Roach.

Yes, definitely not a snowshoe hare. I’m leaning towards black-tail. 

If it’s a black-tail, its burrow is probably close.

Can you find it, girl?

[Crunching]

You know, Roach, even though Jackrabbits have the word rabbit in their name, they aren’t true rabbits? They’re actually hares-- distinct enough species that they don’t breed in the wild.

And I say burrow, but black-tailed Jackrabbits don’t actually burrow. Even when they have young, female Jackrabbits don’t do much more than scratch out a little depression, a form, and line it with fur.

[crunch]

This isn’t a problem, because leverets, as infant hares as called, are usually born nearly fully developed, furred and with their eyes open, that sort of thing, and they’re capable of travel within a few hours. 

[Crunch, pause, sniffing]

What’s that Roach? 

[crunching, pause as Geralt crouches down]

Scratches, scoring on the bark of this tree… a foot and a half. Maybe two feet up from the ground here?

Hmm I wonder. 

Yes look, right here, there’s a little blood... and here in the dirt, a small piece of skin and fur.

Well that seems clear enough. That’s a rub. 

What are we following, Roachie? Have you got us on another track?

[sniffing, a bark, crunch of dirt or sticks]

[Pause as Geralt looks again]

Alright, I agree, those are still our Jackrabbit’s prints.

I wonder, my girl, I wonder…

Okay, carry on.

[crunch of footsteps again]

There is of course one more species of hare native to this region, _Lepus antilocapra,_ but they’re more rare than white tails… more rare even than pikas or pygmy rabbits. A black tailed Jackrabbit might breed up to four times a year, in this part of the country…

But Jackalopes of course breed only once annually, in late August or September, which contributes to their low population. 

[crunching]

A person spotting one of their rubs might suspect it belongs to a deer, some buck bent low trying to get that angle just right to scrape off that itchy velvet. 

But a deer exerts much more force, and those grooves would be quite deep. 

[crunching]

Not to mention a paw print and a hoof print are distinctive enough for even the greenest tracker to differentiate. 

[crunch, pause]

What is it Roach? Do you see him? (whispering) Easy girl, don’t spook him now…

Oh he’s beautiful, a fine little four-point rack, just nestled in the bush there... If I can get a little closer, I’ll get a good shot of him for the camera. Quiet now Roachie...

[rustle of clothes maybe, culminating in a crack! of a stick underfoot]

Fuck! There he goes, Roach! There he goes!

[running noises, thump of the mic against cloth]

(whistles) Come back Roachie, you’ll never catch him now!

[Geralt panting, maybe noise of Roach barking as she gets close]

Good girl, good try.

[Jingle of Roach’s collar/tags as Geralt pets/praises her]

That was a good little run! But you were never going to catch him, my dear. Jackalopes are just too quick in this terrain.

Alright, good try, let’s get back to the path…

[Video/Ambient audio fades out]

**{Comments}**

_Ferret Guy:_ dont know if on purpose or not, but this is that good asmr shit  
_soph.a.dope.aesthetic:_ It has to be on purpose. He must know what he’s doing.

 _JakJakKing_ : bullshit there was nothing in that bush  
_Flufflepufflover_ : Dude, pause at like, 11:10-- you can totally see the horns

 _Riya Matte:_ *~*tiiiiiiinnnngggglllleeessssss*~*

 _Jester26uk:_ I WaNt tO bELieVE!!1!1!!

  
  
  
  
  


### Witcher Campaign, Arc 3, Episode 4: A Freaking Hippopotamus!

61k views - Published Saturday, 22 September- 👍 👎 SHARE  
DeathAndDestinyDnD - 86k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Timestamp: 45:04, Audio/Video begins]

Geralt: (loud, frustrated) well if the middle head wasn’t a [CENSORED] Hippopotamus--!

Jaskier: Dude! Cussing!

Ciri: But it IS a [CENSORED] hippopotamus!

Jask: Great, now I’ve got to bleep you both or we’ll get demonetized.

Yen: (Laughing a bit meanly) Well, it’s your fault for including a [CENSORED] hippopotamus.

Jask: I hate you all! And none of you are supposed to know what it is anyway! Your characters would never have seen one!

Dara and Renfri: … It’s a [CENSORED] hippopotamus though.

Jask: FINE. FINE IT’S A [CENSORED] HIPPOPOTAMUS. ARE WE HAPPY NOW. [CENSORED] ME.

Yen: No, thank you.

Jask: (noise of frustration) OKAY. Okay. Okay, Renfri, it’s your move, what would you like to do? 

Renfri: I would like to strike the f-  
Jask: If You Say [CENSORED]-  
Renfri: --Forehead of the animal. Actually, maybe I’m going for its eye. I would like to leap and try to jab it in the eye with my magic dagger.  
[Dice]  
Well, I would have liked to.

Jaskier: It’s slippery. Roll to keep your feet?

[Dice]

Jask: Ouch. Uh, blood and mud everywhere. Severed heads and limbs, you know, general carnage.

Renfri: Don’t try to make me feel better about how badly I just failed that jump.

Jask: Okay. (Laughing) Shrike nurses their, uh, pride, and we’re on to--

Yen: Fireball. Right to the face.  
[Dice]  
Lovely, there’s my fireball.  
[Dice]

Jask: And there’s its face.  
[Dice]  
Oh, boo, not much damage.

Ciri: …Because it’s a Fu-

Jask: Aaaaaaand it’s Dara’s turn!

Dara: I’m kind of too close, but if I back up and someone gets hit on the next turn...

Ciri: Then we will die with honor. 

Dara: What? No. How about I hit it with my shortsword, on the leg I’m closest to?  
[Dice]  
Or not.

Jaskier: Well, you pissed it off, Dara, but it’s still, uh, roaring. Do hippos roar?

Renfri: I think they do whatever you want them to do when they are magic chimera-hippo-hydra monsters that you invented, buddy.

Jask: … solid point.  
Okay. Chimera’s still roaring. With its uninjured left arm, it swipes at Shrike who is, um, sitting in the mud.   
[Dice]  
Hell, solid roll.

Renfri: Not that I can dodge, but, lowest of two?

Jask: Yep.

Renfri: [Dice] Oh, maybe… [Dice] oof. Not even with Bless can I get out of this.

Jask: No. Not so much. Okay. [Dice]  
(breathes in sharply) … Sooooo the shrike takes 11 damage.

Renfri: Crap. That takes me to 1.  
[Dice]  
Dude, and I’m absolutely unconscious. Dara! Help! (laughing)

Dara: I’m close to Shrike, right Jaskier?

Jask: You are, but White Wolf gets another shot first. And even if you succeed, you two are going to be right under its feet, so…

Geralt: I’m still behind it, right?

Jask: Yes. Yes I think so. It turned when-

Geralt: Two handed strike, all out, junction of last neck and body.  
[Dice]

Jaskier: Yup, Very nice solid hit, right at the base of the neck...  
[Dice] All out, obvious, higher of two… [Dice] but even so the chimera does NOT avoid it and [Dice] hah! I think that’s enough!  
[Dice] And yes! 

Ciri: Woo hoo! Head shot TKO!

Jaskier: The whistle of the blade through the air! The solid meaty Thwack of contact!

Geralt: I pull out my sword.

Jaskier: Muscles bulging, the White Wolf takes a solid grip on his Witcher’s Tool  
And it pulls free in a great slurp of blood!  
The beast staggers as it’s freed, stumbles, thankfully not onto the wounded and unconscious Shrike, lists sideways, and falls CRASH thunderously to the ground! It is down!  
What a glorious battle! What an impressive finale! Dandelion bursts from his concealment, lute already proclaiming his joy and artistic fervor!

Geralt: We really don’t need to-

Jaskier: What power! What bravery! Oh, I just, there are no words-

Yen: Excellent, then stop speaking.

Jaskier: - no words, so I must express myself in verse!

Dara: Oh no.

Jaskier: In a song!!

Renfri: I could go home now…

Jasker: [strings and singing]  
You were created with tremendous strength  
To protect the human race  
Superior senses and magic powers  
We’re so lucky  
Ciri: Are we though?  
Jask: that you are ours!

When we set off on this adventure  
We didn’t know we’d be so good together

Yen: Speak for yourself.

Jask: You’re the slayer of every monster

Dara: I definitely helped.

Jask: The Witcher of all our dreams!

Renfri: No. Just, no.

Jask: Melitele, what a hero!  
Your swords are shiny just like a mirror!  
Your armor’s made of the best leather

Ciri: He made it out of cardstock, actually.

Jask: Our hero forever!

Geralt: Now, come on, Dandelion, [Strings stop] I’m not the only one who was part of this fight. 

Dara: I healed Yennefer!

Ciri: I stabbed the fish head in the eye!

Renfri: ... I slipped and fell?

Yen: But you looked great doing it.

Jaskier: Fine fine fine. You’re lucky I think fast and perform well under pressure. (clears throat)

[Strumming starts, singing]

Melitele, what a hero!  
You’re the best, Couldn’t be clearer!  
And so are our Shrike, and Yenna,   
Fiona and Dara!

[Strings and singing stop]

Yen: Well. That was something.

Dara: … that chorus doesn’t actually rhyme, now.

Renfri: Same time next week?

Geralt: … wait, wasn’t there one of Stregobor’s mages here, too?

Jaskier: Um.

[Audio/Video ends]

**{Comments}**

_FlamethrowerFTW:_ oh i love it! DandyWolf for the win! 

_AirRow2thKnee:_ bets on whether he had that one prewritten or made it up on the spot

 _GmsNewGf:_ Hey guys, does this count as DandyWolf content or Geraskier content? WHERE IS TH LINE

 _2600isGoTime_ : Cool gameplay, but I think I speak for a lot of people who are kind of sick of the   
GM doing all this grandstanding crap? Like, your campaign is cool n all but stfu  
and let the players play   
_SuddenlyCatapult:_ Dude yea i didn’t want to be the 1 to say it but i hate that shit. So  
Cringe. We get it. You got a great big boner for the Witcher dude 

_FlamethrowerFTW:_ THIS IS A GOOD EPISODE and any body posting RPF shit here needs to   
SHUT UP AND STOP BEING GROSS.  
_GmsNewGf:_ maybe we woulnt post rpf if they werent so obviusly gay for eachother   
_Giant Wolf:_ Jaskier is pretty much asking for it with stuff like that   
_Sunscreen Orc:_ I fucking hate it when creators queerbait like this. They’re never   
gonna make “Look how masc i am, every sorceress falls in bed   
with me” white wolf gay or bi or something.   
_AirRow2thKnee:_ um how is this queerbaiting the Shrike is literally   
genderfluid i think these people are just having fun.   
Stop being toxic please.

 _Pink Unicorn:_ Came for the DnD. Stayed for the trashfire in the comments. *eats popcorn*

 _FuzzyFish028:_ God, if I was GMing that, I’d be so embarrassed. How desperate do you gotta be to clown around like that? Look how uncomfortable everyone looks.  
__-TT-_GoblinHill:_ i think the heckling and stuff is fun? Like i think their in on the joke?  
_FuzzyFish028:_ what, you’ve never laughed at a bad joke because you were uncomfortable?

  
  
  
  


### Myself to Blame

92k views - Published Tuesday, 25 September - 👍 👎 SHARE  
Jaskier The Bard - 126k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Audio/video begins. Uke, singing]  
  
Jaskier:  
They all say the same thing  
‘Bout how I give too much of myself  
I hold them like I wish they would hold me  
I cling ‘til they say their farewells

Am I pre-programmed to live for somebody else?  
I try to be my best self for them so someone holds me like I long to be held

It’s all the same  
Just different games  
Like a moth to the flame  
I have myself to blame

I jump in feet first like I forget that I just keep getting hurt  
Skinny dipping in the night, and I grab your hand  
You pull away from me and go stand on the dry land

When will I learn how to discern who’s on my side?  
And who’s gonna leave me to cry

It’s all the same  
Just different names  
I jump in front of the train  
I have myself to blame

It’s all the same  
I’ve heard the refrain  
It’s not complex or arcane  
I have myself to blame

I’m a little much I guess  
Who could love this crazy mess?

It’s all the same  
The camera’s aimed  
And I’m knocked out of the frame  
I have myself to blame

It’s all the same  
Just different games  
Like a moth to the flame  
I have myself to blame

[Uke music ends]

Jaskier: Hey folks. How’s it going. 

…

(sigh) So that’s an old recording of me… I don’t think I ever posted the original video? But I still had a copy on my harddrive.

It’s not one I think of very often. It’s… maybe you can tell, it’s a _lot_ older than most of what I play now. I wrote it part way through college, before I knew how to sing in tune, or play a ukulele... I wasn’t in a very good place then, maybe you can tell. 

(self deprecating laugh)

Yeah. Anyway.

So... so many of you may have watched the last episode of my DnD show, or listened to it. I would like to be transparent.

I know there was some… mixed response to it? I’m usually pretty good at rolling with comments, negative or positive, but. I don’t know. I guess I need a little time to evaluate some things?

So I’m going to take a little break. Don’t worry, I’ll be back, but I’m gonna take a week off. 

I won’t be in this week’s postmortem… and I think we’re all gonna take a short recess, actually. We’ve been going pretty non-stop for a couple months without a break, so next week there won’t be a new episode on the campaign channel, or here, and then of course there won’t be a postmortem, but we’ll be back at the end of the month.

So. Yeah. I appreciate everyone’s support, thanks for sticking with me, and all of that, and hopefully I’ll be back with new energy, maybe some new music as well, and ready to take on the world. Well. Take on our corner of it, any way.

Sorry this one is a bit short and melancholy-- but I was kinda vibing with this song, and I didn’t want to go offline without warning or anything. 

So, stay well everybody, and thanks for hanging out with me. Catch you in a couple of weeks.

[Audio/video ends]  
  
**{Comments}**

_The User has disabled comments for this video._

  
  
  
  


### 9/27/2018, 5:15 pm

48k views - Published Thursday, 27 September- 👍 👎 SHARE  
On the Path with Roach - 22k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

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[Timestamp 04:32, Video/Audio fades in, ambient forest, crunch of footsteps, jingle of Roach’s collar]

Geralt: … Probably not a chupacabra, not this far north. 

What do you think, Roachie? What are you smelling?

[Crunch]

Come back, girl, stick close. If critters have been going missing in the area, it’s best we don’t split up.

[Crunching, then pause, jingle of Roach’s tags]

What’s that then? Hm. some tracks.

…

Well that’s unusual. These look like a single animal left them, right girl? Nicely spaced… there’s two front paws.

[shifting clothing]

Two back paws.

[shifting clothing]

And then the front again. See how the nail on this toe right here doesn’t dig in as deeply? Must have snagged it on something at some point, and broken it off shorter. So we can tell it’s the same critter every time that rear right paw comes down.

But it’s strange. Does it smell strange, Roach?

[Sniffing sounds]

I might be mistaken, but these two prints here, and these two prints here…

[Roach makes disdainful sneezing noise]

Well what’s your guess then? Two two-footed creatures came gently jogging along the exact same trail?

[Roach woofs]

Yeah I didn’t think so. It makes a lot more sense if it’s just the one. The creature has four legs, shoulders are maybe two feet wide, and it’s maybe four feet long? Stands a few feet off the ground?

Only, the trouble is... these rear paws, that’s easy enough. Regular, same depth, the critter’s not jumping, but you can see the nails. We’re looking at a canine of some kind. Too big, and too deep for a coyote, our friend has to weigh more than you do, Roachie…

But then look at these front paws. No claws visible at all.

[Roach sneezes again]

Well then you explain the shape of that footpad, Roach. Three lobes at the heel, and a dip on the leading edge of the pad…

[Roach woofs, jingle of leash]

I don’t really care if you like it, girl. But if there’s one about, you’re staying on this lead, no matter how nicely you’re behaving.

[Roach makes a noise]

And that’s that.

(grumbling) Sundown, middle of the woods, and you want to go wandering with a _Canis Rufus Glawackus_ out and about.

[Crunch, jingle]

You ever seen a Glawackus, Roach?

[crunch]

When I was young, and stupid-

[Roach woofs]

\-- Less intelligent than I am now, some friends and I went camping. 

[crunch]

There we were, sitting around the little fire pit we’d built, telling mean stories about our classmates, gossiping. Making up stories about people we’d slept with, and people who’d slept with each other…

And there was a sound, strange laughter like how we imagined a hyena might sound, from just beyond the edge of the light.

We all got real quiet.

[Crunch, jingle]

But the woods were silent.

So we started talking again and Marcus, well, he laid it on thick, all about another boy in our class at school, who said he’d been with a girl, and how Marcus knew he hadn’t been, and how Marcus thought he was pathetic, always needing to be the center of attention--

And the laughter came again.

[Crunch, jingle, roach makes a low woofing sound]

But again, nothing happened.

So Marcus starts in on his mean story again, how he thinks this kid is probably gay, look how he dresses, and isn’t it pathetic, how nice, no, how _sycophantic_ he is to everyone, and how much effort he has to put into things, because he’s so weak and bad at everything, and how annoying he is, always correcting people, calling them out, accusing them of being mean….

And the laughter came a third time. And we all jumped up this time, and ran into the woods to find it. But the woods were dark, and we’d mostly forgotten our flashlights, if we had any. I didn’t.

And then there was a scream! And we all ran back to the campfire… all except Marcus.

[crunch, jingle]

Well we huddled together in our sleeping bags until dawn, and when the sun came up, we could see, all around the clearing where we’d made our fire… large, deep paw prints. All nearly the same size, some with claws, some without.

Do you know where Marcus is today, Roachie?

[Crunch, jingle, woof]

Neither do I.

But I guess, sometimes, very bad things happen to people who are cruel. And no one comes to save them.

What a shame, isn’t it girl, when it’s so easy to mind your own fucking business.

[Audio/video ends]

**{Comments}**

_JakesGotDaGoods420_ : … what the fuck.

  
  
  
  


### POSTMORTEM: Witcher Campaign, 305

42k views - Published Saturday, 27 October - 👍 👎 SHARE  
DeathAndDestinyDnD - 91k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Audio/video begins]

[Ukulele/Voice Intro Jingle, by Jaskier]

When a humble bard, graced a ride-along  
With the White Wolf of Rivia...

Toss a coin to your Witcher!  
Oh valley of Plenty, Oh valley of plenty, Oh-Oh-Oh...

[Jingle ends]

Jaskier: Well Hello friends, watchers, and listeners! It’s time for another postmortem! Where we read mail and comments, check out fanart, answer questions, and talk about last week’s episode. Sitting around the living room today I’ve got:

Geralt: Geralt

Ciri: Ciri

Dara: Dara

Jask: And I of course am your host, Jaskier.  
We’re going to start off today by checking out some fanart that was emailed to us, DeathAndDestinyDnD, all one word, at gmail, send us something, go on… yeah, a couple pieces of fanart here… I’ll pass my tablet for the folks in the room, and hopefully remember to stick them in the video up in [pause, to gesture]… this corner for my watchers…  
Yes! Oh here’s a nice piece, Geralt and a… fearsome beastie? This one comes from Liam Scott, from… Pendleton, Oregon. He says “hey guys, love the channel, what are the chances we get to see some lumberwood monsters in the campaign? Have a good day, and some art!”  
Well thank you, Liam from Pendleton, for the art. I’m not sure what the critter in your picture actually is, just that it is doing something… what _is_ it doing to that tree?

Geralt: Splintercat.

Jaskier:.. It’s a what now.

Dara: Splintercat, native to the pacifc northwest. Shatters trees and eats the honey that falls.

Jaskier: … oh those are _bees_. And… a raccoon?

Ciri: _Felynx arbordiffisus_ is a natural predator for the oregonian raccoon.

Jaskier: … _Why do you two know this?_ Geralt, I expect. Geralt is usually brimming with cryptid bull. 

Ciri and Dara: _A Witcher is always prepared._

Jaskier: Oh my _god_ I hate you _all._

Geralt: Thank you, Liam, for the drawing. 

Jaskier: I bet he’s going to put it in his bestiary. 

Geralt: You never know.

Jaskier: Never know _what?_ Never know when it will be useful? Never know if you’re telling the truth? Never know if you actually believe this stuff? Which is it?

Geralt: Yes.

Jaskier: … [heavy sigh, but playful] keep your secrets. Alright.   
Alright, okay…. Okay. so, there was a question… right. Lumberwoods meets The Witcher.  
Eh. Not impossible. I take liberties with the monsters we encounter, so it’s possible, but yeah, cryptids, americana, that’s much more Geralt’s arena. The traditions I borrow from are mostly a lot farther east.  
Thanks for the question and the art though!  
Okay, and… So the other piece I have today is from… Elizabeth, in San Diego. And it’s a Ciri and Dara!  
Here you go...

Ciri: Oh sweet!

Dara: Cool!

Jaskier: Elizabeth in San Diego says “I never miss a show, and I love it when the kids win. So here’s Dara and Fiona taking out some trash! Thanks for your time! Have a good day!”  
Well thanks, Elizabeth. Yeah, it’s a lot of fun to get to write for and play with these two-- and they do win, a lot more often than I mean them to!  
Okay, describe the piece for the listeners, please.

Ciri: It’s Witcher Fiona! Being epic!

Dara: It’s Ciri, cutting off a hydra’s head, with me supporting.

Ciri: With you _hiding._

Dara: With me, standing a smart distance away, prepared to render aid.

Ciri: _Prepared to render aid_ , yeah, is that what they call it?

Dara: Yes. and I can’t do it if i’m squished into tiny pieces by a monster.

Ciri: Okay that’s true. 

Geralt: Ciri. The drawing…

Ciri: Yeah! So, it’s us taking out a hydra, and the hydra is huge and covered in green scales and stuff…

Dara: And it’s really clear it’s us. I have my hat, and ciri’s witcher sword looks really cool.

Ciri: _Fiona's_ witcher sword.

Dara: _The_ sword is really cool. Good job Elizabeth.

Ciri: Yeah, thank you, Elizabeth.   
Jaskier, can I have a copy?

Jaskier: Already forwarded to both of you.

Ciri: Yay, it’s going on the fridge then.

Jaskier: You hear that, Elizabeth from San Diego? On the fridge you go!  
Okay, okay… mail! [noises of bag rustling]  
Only a couple of pieces today, I think… [Paper noises] Yes, there are a couple here for Yen and Renfri, but they are busy today, so we’ll hold those until the next time, I think…  
Oh here’s an interesting one. It’s for us, all of us I guess, just addressed to the channel… [crinkling paper] okay… okay… yeah, alright, this is a good one.  
Ciri do you want to read it?

Ciri: [Crinkles, sliding paper] Dear Witcher Friends, this is Joe from Newark, hope this letter finds you well.  
[to mic or camera] It does! Joe from Newark, we hope you are okay too.  
[Paper sounds]  
I’m a pretty new watcher, but I just wanted to reach out and say I like what you guys do. This is a cool world, and you guys have good characters, and I really like the strange monsters. And I drew fanart for one of your chimeras.   
Also I’m working my way through your old stuff, but I was wondering, I still haven’t found where that Coin song came from? Is there another channel or something I should look at?  
Also Also, I really like the music, and I missed it during the break.  
Anyway, keep up the good work and have a nice day.  
Signed, Joe.  
[paper]  
Oh cool!  
[paper closer to camera/mic]  
It’s totally the Fu- hippo monster. That’s really cool!

Jaskier: Oh excellent! Okay, that’s definitely going up here on the wall. Thanks, Joe from Newark, this is great! And yeah, there’s more music coming. The break was very good for me.  
So… Did either of you ever see the first episode where I sang “Toss a coin?” 

Dara: It… wasn’t the first time we played?

Ciri: No! It’s a trick question!

Jaskier: Sorry Dara, yeah, it’s kind of a trick question.

Ciri: You did it on your music channel! And it was first, right? The first witcher thing?

Jaskier: Yeah, before I really started writing the campaign, back when Renfri and I were still playing with Greg and his group, just after I met you guys.

Dara: I think I did see that video! Yeah! I didn’t see it until after we were all playing together though. I thought you did it later, like, ‘cuz people asked you to or something.

Ciri: No, (turning to Geralt) it was for you, right?

Geralt: Not, not _for_ me…

Jaskier: Eh, it was pretty much for you. 

Ciri: I knew it.

Jaskier: (Laughing) Yeah, after you two-

Ciri: Dara, we saw him at _Kaedewin’s Bean and Brew_ , I don’t think I ever told you- 

Geralt: Ciri…

Ciri: -about… oh. I interrupted.

Jaskier: Nah, it’s fine. You go ahead and tell it.

Geralt: Jaskier.

Jaskier: No really, I’d much rather hear her tell it. I _know_ how _I_ tell it.

Geralt: … alright.

Ciri: Sorry Jaskier. Thank you. Um. Okay, so, so, Geralt and I were eating cinnamon rolls, and I had a chocolate chip frappucino, cuz it’s basically a milkshake anyway, and we were kinda celebrating…

[Pause]

Geralt: It’s alright, Ciri. You can say… Jask, can we..?

Jaskier:... oh, yeah, absolutely, say whatever you’re comfortable with, and if you change your mind later, I can always come back and cut that part out. Yeah, go ahead.

[pause]

Dara: … I can’t believe you would pick a cinnamon roll at _Kaedwin’s_ when you could’ve had chocolate poundcake.

Ciri: (laughs, a little forced) I didn’t know yet! I know now. But yeah.  
Yeah, Geralt picked me up from school early, so I could sign… so we could sign papers and stuff, and then we went for a treat to celebrate, because he, we had been working on it for a long time, and that was, he adopted me. It was finished I mean. The court said I was his and stuff. He was my ‘sole guardian’ with Legal Parental Rights, not just my half-brother I lived with and all.  
[Pause]  
So, so yeah, so we were having a treat because, just because. And… and then yeah! We saw Jaksier.

Dara: Oh, did you, like, watch his channel?

Ciri: Yes! Yeah we totally did, and Geralt saw him first, because he was sitting at the window and he was behind me, and Geralt kept looking, and so I _had_ to look, and I knew who you were right away, Jaskier! “Consent is Crucial” was my favorite song for a whole month once!

Jaskier: Wait, you never said that.

Ciri: Oh. No, I wasn’t supposed to say it was my favorite. Or sing it at school and stuff. Because (in the voice of someone who’s reciting something they were told a million times) ‘people are stupid, and it’s not their business, but they will say it’s inappropriate’ which IS stupid because it’s a good song and it teaches people a good thing.

Jaskier: That’s awesome. That’s so awesome. You were an awesome kid, cub.

[pause]

[sound of the mic moving]

Dara: (quietly, seriously, into the mic) For the people listening, Cirilla is sticking her tongue out at Jaskier.

Ciri: Ugh, don’t call me “cirilla”. The only time people call me Cirilla, it's like a teacher or something, or I’m in trouble.

Dara (and Jask, a bit): (laughing)

Ciri: Ha Ha.   
So…

Geralt: You turned, and you recognised Jaskier. Because of a song I probably wasn’t supposed to have let you hear.

Ciri: But it’s an awesome song!   
Yes. Yes, so, so I knew it was Jaskier, and I told Geralt that we should go say hi.

Dara: Wait, did you guys, like, know him?

Ciri: Weeeell not _really_. But he commented on Roach’s channel one time, and we already knew who he was because of his music, so then Geralt commented on his channel, and they started talking and stuff.  
But yeah, so Geralt wanted to let him come say hi to _us_ if he wanted, but that was silly because _we_ had _seen_ him, and he didn’t know what we looked like.

Geralt: I did not have a good argument.

Ciri: So Geralt watched me, and I went to say hi.

Jaskier: You startled me so badly I almost tipped my coffee onto my laptop!

Ciri: (laughing a little) You were very funny.

Jask: Says _you_. 

Ciri: Can’t get mad if it’s true. (laughing)

Dara: Okay, so you guys all had coffee or something?

Jask: Basically. I remember I tried to excuse myself when I realised you guys were celebrating such a benchmark…

Ciri: But we wouldn’t let you go.

Jask: Nope. And I’m glad you didn’t. My life would be infinitely less rich without you two in it.

Dara: That’s adorable.

Jask: (laughing) You, too, Dara. I’m very glad Ciri brought you, and not just because that meant we had enough players to run a decent campaign!

Ciri: Oh but the coin song!

Jask: Yes, the darn coin song. So, I wrote that, Dara, kind of based on Geralt’s channel and stuff? Like, that was definitely the start of the witcher universe in the campaign, Geralt and Roach, tramping through the woods on adventures. And it was just a silly song, and I kind of hoped he’d never see it… but it was very fun to sing. So I put it up in a video, and put a few more little clips in…

Dara: Oh, is this how it got on tiktok?

Jaskier: Exactly how. And it went viral, and I quadrupled my subscriber count in like a week, and all of that.

Dara: That’s very cool...

[Episode fades out]

**{Comments}**

_Confused Clown:_ What a meet-cute. Oh god, it’s so sweet.

 _Hazel Gonzales:_ Wait, so, do we know, like, what happened to Geralt and Ciri and stuff? Like, I   
didn’t know he was her brother…  
_Jamie Burg:_ No, not really. They keep it pretty private. We think this is why they don’t give   
out their last names as well. Everyone else does, but not them  
_Helen’sArtAndCreativity:_ I think it’s good. It’s bad enough the kids are on YouTube.   
I think it’s a good sign that the adults keep a lot of that stuff private.

 _RainbowRoad2020:_ Who came here from TikTok just now?  
_Soup666:_ Not just now, but I did find them from TikTok…  
  
_Wandering_Dreamingg:_ oh, yennefri are “busy” are they??? 👀👀👀 

  
  
  
  


### First Time Stage Choreography Lesson! Feat: Yennefer Vangeberg

40k views - Published Friday, 2 November - 👍 👎 SHARE  
Renfri Waldeck - 45k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE . 

-

[Audio/Video begins]

Renfri: Hello YouTube!  
I’m Renfri Waldeck.

Yen: I’m Yennefer Vengeberg.

Renfri: And this is my side of a collaboration between our two channels.   
Yennefer is a sex educator, activist, and professional makeup artist.

Yen: I am.

Renfri: And we were put into contact with each other over a DnD campaign we are both part of.  
We got along well.

Yen: Understatement.

Renfri: And some of you may know, we quickly started work on the idea of some joint content.

Yen: We have worked in the same industry, from fairly different sides.

Renfri: And we have a number of similar experiences and interests outside of work _or_ gaming, so it seemed like a natural fit. If any of my subscribers would like to see us discuss queer identies, polyamory, and long-distance relationship practices…

Yen: Then come visit us in a joint video on my channel, link in the description box.

Renfri : Are you ready to get started?

Yen: Do your worst.

Renfri: (laughs) Okay, we’ll start there.   
As many of you who are regulars here know, I’m a professional stage combat choreographer, and I spend most of my time when not working with actors on actual productions, teaching local classes, and filming lessons in this area for you lovely folks out there.  
A subject I encounter fairly often, both here online, and in some of the in person classes I teach, is the idea that people _can’t_ do certain things, because of their gender, or race, or most often, physical ability.   
Yenna?

Yennefer: I was hesitant when Renfri suggested this kind of activity-- not because I’m uncomfortable being physical, I’m very comfortable being physical, but because… When you grow up physically disabled, you spend a lot of time internalizing the idea that things like sports, dance, physical competitions… those aren’t for you. I’ve spent a lot of time personally, and publicly through things like my YouTube channel, pushing back against the idea that that extends to sex, that anything about your _body_ automatically makes you not a sexual being, entitled to as much physical intimacy as you would like, and a partner or partners that respect and desire you. 

Renfri: But.

Yen. But. But I still automatically assumed the kind of things you do were not for me.

Renfri: And they might not be! We may work on this, and you may discover you just don’t like it. But if I’m doing my job right, it won’t be because of any physical ability you do or don’t have.

Yen: … I’m still a little skeptical, but I think I’m willing to extend you some trust.

Renfri: I’ve started with worse.  
Okay, to begin, let me clear something up right off the bat. Fight choreography is like any other choreography-- collaborative, to tell a story. A choreographed fight isn’t actually a fight-- the moves may be or echo actual moves people might use in a genuine fight, but our intention here is to work _with_ your opponent to a joint goal, not to best them with your greater skill or strength.  
When you do makeup for performances, what are your primary goals? What are you asking yourself?

Yen: … hm. Does it work for the character? And does it look… not necessarily _good_ , sometimes that’s not the point, exactly, but… does it look _right_.

Renfri: For example?

Yen: Sometimes it’s about enhancement, to turn someone’s existing beauty or charisma up, or make it visible under certain lighting conditions, or at a distance. But often, it’s… it’s about that character they are putting on. Like, when I do drag makeup, it’s not about whether that person would, like, _pass_ as the gender they’re presenting, but about playing up the aesthetic, the confidence of the character, matching the over-the-top energy of the outfit or stage performance, things like that. 

Renfri: Exactly. So, that’s what we’re doing here, basically.  
Cards on the table, there are choreographers and trainers, both for what I do and for other things, who specialize in working with folks with different kinds of physical challenges and limitations, specifically to teach them to be able to do things that would otherwise be impossible or unattainable safely, on their own.   
That’s not really what I do.  
In particular, to anyone who may decide to take a class with me… 

Yen: … wait, you mean you’re not (sarcastically) a Physical Therapist?? 

Renfri: (with a laugh) Exactly. I am not. What I do is not about pushing the limits of what people are capable of. I have the privilege of being able to trust people, to take them at their word for what they can and cannot do reasonably comfortably without hurting themselves, and work within that, to tell a story.   
And this doesn’t just extend to actors and people who might normally consider themselves part of the disabled community. This can mean actors who have a temporary injury or limitation, like a pregnancy perhaps, or who are older, say, but playing the roles of younger, more robust characters.  
Other factors can impact this as well-- costuming that limits range of motion, or visibility. A set or stage with less traction or more obstacles, things like that.   
These are all part of the story, and I believe are best when worked _into_ the choreography, rather than have the choreography function simply _around_ them.  
So. that out of the way, we’ll hopefully be engaging in some basic fighting and scuffling, today, no dramatic rolls or falls, no weapons yet…  
Is there anything you are concerned about up front?  
  
Yen: You want, like, my medical history, or…?

Renfri: Not necessarily, unless you would be more comfortable having given it. But if there’s anything you feel is pertinent to the situation at hand, or would be more comfortable with me knowing or understanding as best I can from the outset, this is a good moment for that. I’m talking range of motion, stability and balance, that kind of thing.

Yen: Okay. I underwent a number of surgical interventions as a kid and teenager, and the biggest one was to correct hyperkyphosis?  
I can’t bend much at all from about T1 down to L2, so about here, to here. My lateral rotation is easier but I, yeah, can’t physically bend through this area. Partly due to that, and partly due to the underlying conditions, I’ve got full range of motion through my shoulders this way-  
[Clothing sounds, as she demonstrates]  
But I’m not supposed to lift too much, unless under guidance of a physical therapist, that sort of thing..  
My balance is fine for most things. Fall risk isn’t a big concern unless we are on something very unstable.

Renfri: Which we don’t need to create.  
  
Yen: Then I think that’s it. Oh, and I fatigue fairly quickly.  
… Do I learn how to fake-punch you now?

Renfri: (laughs) Why not.   
Okay, unless you have any objections, there’s this section in _the Taming of The Shrew_ which I’ve been playing with for a while in hopes that...

[Audio/Video fades out on this line]

[time skip]

[Audio/video comes back in]

Renfri: … and it was an absolute pleasure to have you!  
Okay, now that you’ve seen us practice, I’m sure there are a few of you down there in the comments going, wait a minute, I thought Renfri said _Taming of the Shrew_ was going to be the script for that tutorial video we still haven’t seen??  
… and yes, you are correct. As I said last month, it was a real struggle to figure out when Kyle McAffrey’s and my schedule could line up for long enough to do it, while our little crew was also free.   
And then three weeks ago, he and his partner had a baby. So.

Yen: How inconsiderate. 

(both laughing)

Renfri: So I was in a bit of a pickle, and Yen and I were talking about potential subjects on which to collaborate, and she was very brave and selfless and volunteered to help me out, depending on how what you guys just watched went.  
And I think it went well?

Yen: It went fabulously.

Renfri: … So??

Yen: … So yes, I will learn your stunts, and film your thing with you.

Renfri: Yes! Excellent! Oh thank you so much, I’ll make it as painless as--

Yen: On one condition.

Renfri: --possible… what?   
Whaaaaaat’s the condition? Do I owe you my first born, presuming I should have one?   
Some... boon or bounty I’m about to come into, that I know not yet of? Indentured Servitude?

Yen: Cute, but no. Don’t tempt me.

Renfri: (laughs) Okay, then, what?

Yen: I get to do the costuming and makeup.

Renfri: Oh. Oh that’s alright. That’s easy enough to agree to.

Yen: (laughing, a bit darkly) Just wait until you see what I’ve got for you.

Renfri: … I can’t tell if i’m intimidated or into this. Um.  
… On that note! It’s been a good time, all, thanks for tuning in, go check out the other side of our collab on Yen’s channel, link in the description, and watch this space for further development!

[Audio/Video cuts]

Renfri: Hello, Renfri of the future… no. Of the slightly more recent past, here. This video should come out around the first Friday in November… Yenna and I filmed that almost a week and a half ago, and it turned out our schedules actually lined up almost immediately with the rest of the crew to actually shoot the tutorial, so we went ahead and did that. In four days.  
And actually, we shot the tutorial, most of it, before we even managed to shoot the other side of our exchange for Yenna’s channel, so I couldn’t post this video, until we filmed that… it was a whole thing.  
But, the tutorial video is filmed!  
I have a debrief section with Yenna I would still like to do, and I have a fair amount of editing left, but as a treat, I’ve got a little trailer for it, here at the end of this video.  
So yeah! Many thanks to Yennefer Vengerberg, without whom I’d still be in despair over this project, please go check out her stuff and our joint piece over there, um, subscribe, hit the bell, see you later!  
On with the trailer!

[Cut. Ambient outdoor sounds] 

Renfri to camera: If I turn this on it’s head, and as a choreographer, go out to do a show that’s already written… I know where all the blocking and the movements are happening, I know what the characters are up to, so I can make those movements apply to them.

Renfri in scene: What, you mean my face?  
Yen in scene: Well aim'd of such a young one.  
[Thump of fist hitting torso, effort/breath noise from Renfri]  
Renfri: (winded, gasping a bit) Now, by Saint George, I am too young for you.

Renfri to camera: Costuming, very important. As you see, we’re doing this in contemporary comfortable flexible clothing, but if this were a period piece… masculine jackets, for example, may be restrictive under the arms, preventing movements like this. [effort noise]

Renfri in scene: Nay, hear you, Kate: in sooth you scape not so.  
Yen in scene: I chafe you, if I tarry: let me _go_. [effort noise on ‘go’]

Renfri to camera: Sometimes the dialogue just… hands you a gift and says: Please do this--

Renfri in scene: What, with my tongue in your tail? nay, come again,  
Good Kate; I am a gentleman.  
Yen in scene: That I’ll try!  
[sound of a smack, gasp from Renfri, breathing]  
Renfri in scene: I swear I'll cuff you, if you strike again.

Renfri to camera: --and that’s great, but sometimes you have to look for the spaces...

Renfri in scene: Alas! good Kate, I will not burden thee;  
For, knowing thee to be but young and light--  
[sound of scuffle, feet on floor, fabric, effort noise from Yeni]  
Yen: Too light for such a swain as you to catch;  
And yet as heavy as my weight should be.

Renfri to camera: Violence that fits the scene, instead of violence first, and having to shoehorn the scene in around it.

[Ambient outdoor sound ends/video ends]

**{Comments}**

_Ky Tha Cloud:_ and here I was foolishly assuming there was no way to make Taming of the Shrew any more gay…  
_AsexualAlchemist:_ Are you complaining?  
_Ky Tha Cloud:_ absolutely not. Yenfri is a gift. XD

  
  
  
  


### Renfri Waldeck and I do Long Distance Polyamory!

171k views - Published Friday, 2 November- 👍 👎 SHARE  
Yennefer Vengeberg - 238k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE . 

-

[Audio/Video begins]

[Ukulele/Voice Intro Jingle, by Jaskier]

All you gotta do is use your words and check in.  
Go on and ask 'em.

La La La La, La La La La Laaaaaaaaaa...

[Jingle ends]

Yen: Hello lovely people!   
As you can see, I’m accompanied today by the most excellent Renfri Waldeck, Stage Combat Choreographer and fellow YouTuber, she/they pronouns..  
Tell the lovely people hello, please, Renfri.

Renfri: … Hello please Renfri. 

Yen: … and now I truly do believe you’ve been friends with Jaskier for years.

Renfri: (laughs) My apologies, dear lady, I was weak. How may I make it up to you?

Yen: (sigh, attempt at sounding exasperated) Behave.  
Alright, my lovely people. For those who saw I was gone from the last Witcher postmortem episode, I was in fact standing in Renfri’s living room, learning how to throw a punch that looks and sounds good while actually injuring no one.  
If you would like to see that, or our preceding and subsequent discussion of accessibility as it pertains to Renfri’s professional field, then do go check us out over there, link in the description box.  
Renfri, have you got anything else to plug while we’re at it? Patreon or anything?

Renfri: Don’t think so. My schedule is too inconsistent for a Patreon, and I do alright without it.

Yen: Makes sense. My schedule would support one, but I’m about as busy as I can handle being right now, without doing additional content for something like that.  
But let’s get into our topic. Continuing the theme of communication we seem to never be far from on this channel, Renfri, would you like to start us off?

Renfri: Sure. alright. So, as a queer poly nonbinary person who travels frequently for work, I generally approach all romantic and sexual situations as if there will likely need to be a thorough discussion at some point. Sometimes this can be a buzzkill, but often it is honing a skill set which I think can be my own personal greatest asset, particularly when I’m often abroad for half or more of every year.  
… or at least, that’s the thesis. (laughs a little at own joke)

Yen: (smile evident in voice) I’ll reserve judgement until I’ve read your bibliography, but that holds water, I think, so far.

Renfri: Now, take this with a grain of salt, because I’m far from any kind of expert…

Yen: Who of us is?

Renfri: (laughs) Fair. 

Yen: You needn’t be an expert to notice patterns, and think about them.   
Now, I also am open to polyamory, and have been in multiple partner relationships off and on for a long time, and plenty of people here on my channel probably know that, but of course every person’s experience is different. Do you want to give us a short “what polyamory means for me” speech?

Renfri: (laughing) Yeah, I can do that. Or, well, it’s sort of completely tied to what I do?

Yen: Okay. I’m not quite sure I follow?

Renfri: So, I am polyamorous; I have it in me to be attracted to and in committed relationships with multiple people, at the same time. And as long as communication is flowing freely, and we’re all doing our best, I feel quite secure that way.

Yen: Sure.

Renfri: So that’s the solution to long-distance thing, for me. I sort of realized, when my life started heading in the direction it still seems to be going… if I was going to have healthy relationships, I was going to need to get creative.  
I had already been in a few arrangements that were fairly open, and was learning that I just don’t really ever get jealous? And my first thought, as I considered a lifestyle and career that was split like that, was, well, at least on my end, if I was dating long-distance, I probably wasn’t going to get jealous over Greg At Work Who I Had Lunch With Again Baby Please Don’t Get Mad.

Yen: (laughing)

Renfri: Exactly. I’d probably be able to say “Babe, if you would like Greg from work to, uh, have you for dinner--

Yen: (laughing, quietly) Have you for dinner!

Renfri: Yes exactly, like, it probably wouldn’t bother me? Particularly if we had discussed the possibility ahead of time, I’m pretty likely to find the thought at least neutral… but sometimes it’s almost comforting? Like, I can’t be there for you physically, but I’m glad you have someone to touch?

Yen: And sometimes that’s hot, too.

Renfri: Sometimes it’s absolutely hot, yeah.

Yen: Yeah, I get that.

Renfri: Yeah, so, if we’re already in a relationship the boundaries of which are negotiable, and if we’re already used to communicating as clearly as possible about what we need and don’t, and we’re already used to coming up with creative solutions to the sometimes complicated or even contradictory challenges we encounter… then the distance is basically just another partner, a mistress I have to be with a certain number of months out of the year in order to keep the balance for myself, so that’s kind of just one more variable we add to the equation.  
And polyamory is the glue, the structure, the routine and skillset that we use to support and hold the dynamics together.

Yen. Sure. Okay… okay, here’s an idea.

Renfri: Shoot.

Yen: So, this is actually a lot like a conversation I’ve had before, some of my viewers might remember it, with Andrew?   
He basically had the same philosophy you do, but about the intersection between emotional management in complex polyromantic situations, and similar management and engagement around health and disability. 

Renfri: Okay…

Yen: Yes, the idea was basically, well, he started with saying: ‘A good way for a person to set themself up for success in a relationship is to figure out if they’re looking for a boyfriend, or a caretaker.’

Renfri: Sure, uh, important…

Yen: (laughing a little) He was looking for a reaction there, but yes. That was his stance, that knowing how much support you want or need out of a partner is important. For both of you. If you’re going to need or want your partner to be comfortable being part of, or solely responsible for certain medical things, even if it’s just knowing where your epipen is and how to use it… some people will not be comfortable with that, and it’s not necessarily a slight against them or anything but…  
But just as you might not want to date someone who really wants kids, if you know you really don’t… if you know you’re going to rely heavily on a partner for the equilibrium of your mental health, say, that’s probably something that should come up early, before you’re both embroiled in something that’s going to get hurtful.  
And polyamory is sort of, maybe the romantic equivalent of diversifying your support? Or can be…

Renfri: Yeah, exactly. Like, if I know I need help to manage my mental or emotional state, maybe I try to build a support network that includes a therapist of some kind, so that that work falls on someone who _can_ handle it, and also _agreed_ to handle it.   
And if I’m going to be away from my partners for six months or more out of the year, maybe I make sure that we all have other ways of getting what we need, so I’m not trying to manage everything from here, that kind of thing. 

Yen: Okay, yes. Alright. I like your thesis, I’ll let it stand, for now.

Renfri: A passing grade. (suggestively) And I didn’t even have to--

Yen: No you did not. But speaking of things that will surely get me demonetized, let’s do some lighter questions.

Renfri: (laughing ) okay! Okay, sure, hit me with your lighter questions.

Yen: Favorite long distance sexual aid?

Renfri: Yen! Can you even… there’s no way you’re not getting demonetized…

Yen: Yeah, fuck monetization. This video is not sponsored by Adam and Eve, but maybe it should be, and the next one might be. My channel is what it is.  
… And are you dodging the question?

Renfri: Oh absolutely not. Okay, favorite… okay, so last year, a partner surprised me with a mystery box in the mail. There were a series of smaller boxes to open at different times, as she gave me permission and such, and the second to last box was this fabulous little green toy, with a phone app…

[Audio fades out]

[Ending Jingle, Uke, Jaskier singing]

Consent is crucial  
[kazoo]  
(laughter)

[Audio/video ends]

**{Comments}**

_Skylar Robbins:_ holy shit guys. They’ve got to be fucking.   
_ReyloForLife:_ what? Of course they aren’t? Why would they be?  
_Ky Tha Cloud:_ because they are both very hot, attracted to each other’s gender,   
and have excellent chemistry??? What more could you want???  
_JJ Matlock:_ um, that’s wildly invasive and inappropriate  
_Soph Rosen:_ …I think Yennefer would like to be Wildly Invasive and Inappropriate  
_Ky Tha Cloud:_ And Renfri is totally picking up what she’s throwing down. ;)  
_AsexualAlchemist:_ Ey-o!!

 _BreakingBadIsGoAT:_ wait im confused. R they together or not???  
_Soph Rosen:_ the hundred dollar question right there  
_BreakingBadIsGoAT:_ so theyre not?

 _Your.Friend.Maxwell:_ Jeez, what is it with the comments today? It’s like two people can’t flirt outrageously and discuss the intimate details of their sex lives while simulaneously negotiating emotional boundaries without being gay for eachother?? Haven’t you ever heard of galpals? XDDD

  
  
  
  


### Witcher Campaign, Arc 3, Episode 7- Showdown at Stregobor’s Keep!

85k views - Published Saturday, 17 November - 👍 👎 SHARE  
DeathAndDestinyDnD - 97k subscribers- SUBSCRIBE

-

[Timestamp 37:16, Audio/Video cuts in]

Ciri: …It’s not too late. We can still turn around and go get--

Geralt: We are not doing that. The plan is fine.

Ciri: But think about it!

Geralt: I am.

Ciri: If we had a Drag--

Yen: Will you two hush, before Jaskier decides that Stregobor has heard us?

Renfri: Metagaming! 

Yen: (laughs)

Ciri: … But there’s that mountain range just to east, there’s bound to be--

Jaskier: (in a deep mysterious mage voice, possibly with a pseudo british accent) ‘Bound to be what, young Fiona? Something to help you beat me?’  
And indeed, Stregobor stands there, on a raised dais at the other end of the great hall you were being quite noisy in. 

Ciri: Crap. Did he hear us?

Jaskier: [Dice] … I don’t believe you get to know that.

Ciri: Uh, none of your business!  
(quieter) I throw my boot knife at him?

Jask: Okay, I’ll use prior initiative here, if no one objects?

Group: “Fine” “Sure” “Go ahead”

Jask: [Dice] … okay, Stregobor goes after Geralt.  
Ciri, roll for your knife throw at… minus three.

Ciri: Aw. [Dice] And I don’t make it.

Jask: Bending to grab your boot knife, plenty of time for him to see it coming, and then at a distance? Yeah, it was a good try, but he sees it coming, and only has to duck a little for you to miss him.

Ciri: Okay, I take out my sleeve knife…

Jaskier: Come on, now.

Ciri: … Fine. I missed, Dara’s turn.

Dara: Thank you, Fiona. I cast Bless.

Renfri: Are you sure, bud? You’re already-

Dara: Oh yeah. Wait. I didn’t roll yet. I don’t cast Bless. I maintain the spell I already had going, and I guess… how big is the room? 

Jaskier: You’re about fifty feet away from him, and it’s another ten feet or so from the platform he’s standing on to the back wall. 

Dara: I walk towards Stregobor? Is there stuff I can hide behind or?

Jaskier: Two long wooden tables, running parallel to length of the room, but no chairs. Some of the walls have tapestries, and there are lit torches as well. Some light is also coming in through tiny windows set very high up. Oh, and there are some smaller tables along the walls.

Dara: Okay, I stay to the, uh, left, and start walking towards Stregobor. When I DO cast Bless-

Ciri: Ugh, you always cast Bless.

Dara: I’m gonna need to be close, so everybody but Fiona can get covered.

Ciri: What?! That’s not what I-

Jaskier: Okay, Sounds good.

Ciri: You guys are jerks.

Geralt: (heavy sigh) I’m too far away to do anything, right?

Jaskier: Unless you wanna throw something at him, yeah.

Geralt: Okay, I’m gonna cast Quen on myself, and start running towards Stregobor.  
[Dice]  
I succeed.

Jask: Okay, you’ll get there on your next turn.  
Stregobor sees you coming. I’m gonna roll perception to see if he knows what sign you are using… [Dice] Ooh he very much does. He’s been around Witchers, and you in particular. He knows that’s a shield primarily for defense from magics and sonics, not necessarily physical blows--

Geralt: Hang on, if he’s too far a way for _me_ to hit, then how-

Jaskier: He throws a bolt of energy at the ceiling [Dice] which cracks, and chunks of masonry come showering down. Roll to avoid being struck by them.

Geralt: Shit. [Dice]  
Damn. Okay, I don’t avoid them all, some hit me.

Jaskier: Yeah, I agree. [Dice]   
Okay, yeah, so some of the ceiling falls, and some of that hits you, and you take a couple damage, but it’s not bad, you’re still moving I think, you’ll still reach him on your next turn.  
Yennefer?

Yen: I want to be closer than I am, to get everything in range, but not too close. I think I slowly start advancing on him, walking around the right side of the room, opposite Dara, trying to keep from being noticed, or at least look like I’m trying not to be noticed. And I ready my flashbangs.

Jask: Okay. Shrike?

Renfri: (in a sing-song voice) You ca-an’t see meeee...

Jask: (laughing) Nope, I can’t.

Renfri: Shrike is going to try to walk along the opposite side of the room from Yen, and hopefully sneak up behind Streggs. 

Jask: Roll stealth.

Renfri: [Dice] Yeah, pass. He doesn’t notice anything unusual.

Jask: Okay. you’re moving more slowly than White Wolf, so, you cross about a third of the distance successfully.

Ciri: Okay, if I throw my sleeve knife _now_ , how many points are you gonna take off?

Jask: It’s still a pretty far distance, and there’s probably concrete dust in the air… I’ll give you minus two.

Ciri: [pause for thought] No, I guess I’ll run behind Geralt, same direction. 

Jask: Okay, if nothing interrupts and you stay your course, you’ll reach Streggs on your next turn.  
Dara?

Dara: Uh, how close am I to him now?

Jask: A little more than 30 feet away.

Dara: Bless is 30 feet?

Jask: Yes.

Dara: I guess I keep going this turn, too. And, uh, I maintain the other spell I’m doing. 

Jask: Okay, you’ll be less than 20 feet from him on your next turn.

Geralt: As I reach the Dais, I throw the sign for Aard-- I want to knock him back, maybe off, and keep him occupied.

Jask: Roll for it.

Geralt: [Dice] Fourteen, I pass. 

Jask: Yeah, you cast it, basic Witcher sign, no trouble even when moving.  
[Dice] Stregobor resists it. Gets his own defense up in time. I mean, pretty powerful mage. Leader of the Ban Ard school. Every single mage you guys have struggled to defeat all campaign, every one has been one of his pupils.

Yen: Yeah, and we extinguished every one.

Jask: Stregobor’s turn, [Dice] , Okay, Yen, he sees you, he knows you, he chucks another energy bolt at you [Dice]. Ooh, high, definitely succeeds.

Yen: Uh [Dice] I resist. On the button.  
And it’s my turn, I’m still advancing, and I’m totally throwing a flashbang right at his hideous beard. Oh, and-

Jask: How many things-

Yen: It’s fine. I’m also going to initiate spell action.

Jask: (mockingly) Oh, well, if you say it’s _fine_ then… no. pick two of the three.

Yen: I don’t throw my flashbang.

Jask: (sigh) Shrike that I cannot see? How’s it going?

Renfri: Quietly and stealthily. [Dice]   
Hey, how come it’s always when you only need like a 7 to succeed, why’s that when you roll a [CENSORED] 19? 

Jask: … _Language,_ seriously, this session’s going to be long enough without me having to track down all the cussing, _Jesus_.

Ciri: _Language_! (laughing) okay, I’m going to stop really fast, and I pulled out my sleeve dagger while I was running, and NOW I’m going to throw it at him.

Jask: Minus one since you aren’t steady yet.

Ciri: Uuuuuuugh fine. [Dice] Hah I get him.

Jask: [Dice] Oooh you totally do.

Ciri: Take _this!_ [Dice] 

Jask: Respectable. Yeah, you get him in the arm, fine hit, does some damage. Nice.  
Dara?

Dara: I’m going to stop, like 20 feet away?

Jask: Sure.

Dara: And maintain my spell. And I think _I_ will pull out a flashbang.

Jask: Solid.   
Okay, my friend, my fighter, my Witcher in shiny black armour.

Geralt: How high is the stage?

Jask: Couple of feet, stairs on either side.

Geralt: I jump onto the stage, and draw my steel sword.

Jask: … _Dramatic_ sure r-

Geralt: [Dice] 

Jask: Oh that is a 3 my friend. You’ve got a fair amount of agility, but you come thiiiis close to falling flat on your face at his feet. Nicely done. Your sword stays sheathed, and you’re d- uh, very lucky it does.  
[Dice] (quietly, to himself) Yen, why’s he so fixated on Yen...  
Stregobor pulls Fiona’s knife from his arm, and then swiftly takes another pot-shot at Yen. [Dice] success by three.

Yen: Uh, I’m gonna duck. [Dice] He-eck yes, he doesn’t hit me

Jask: Roll to maintain concentration of your spell action?

Yen: [Dice] I hold it, barely.  
And, my move, I’m gonna cast. [Dice] Success. Okay.  
Okay, So I release the magic, and my illusion takes hold. The light coming in the windows dims, and dims, and goes black. We can still see because of the torches, but it’s obviously nighttime outside the building.

Jask: Obvious if you buy the illusion. [Dice] Ooh, which he juuuuuuust _barely_ does not. Not yet.  
Stregobor laughs (mage voice) Do you honestly believe I know so little of eclipses that I would believe one could just happen now? With no warning, no portents, and while Yennefer of Vengeberg, a prolific charlatan, stands before me?

Renfri: [Dice] (quietly) _Yus_ (louder) Ah, but who stands behind you?  
And he turns his back on the group to see where the voice is coming from.

Jaskier: Nice roll. Good sneaking. [Dice] He does not turn.  
(mage voice) Nothing but the wind and more illusions.

Ciri: I draw my sword, and swing at his feet.

Jaskier: Roll at minus 2, since you’re trying to do this all in one move.

Ciri: [Dice] Not fair.

Jask: Plenty fair. Sorry. You draw, but all you hit is wood. Roll to see if you keep your grip on your sword, or if it sticks.

Ciri: [Dice] … My sword gets stuck in the wood of the stage.

Dara: I’m gonna drop my invisibility spell, since Renfri is behind him, and I would like to cast Bless, on everyone. … (in a put-upon voice) including Fiona.

Ciri: I knew you were my friend.

Dara: [Dice] Oh man, that was almost perfect.

Jask: Still really good though. Yeah, you cast Bless successfully, and even though you dropped the invisibility, I'm going to say Streggs won’t see Shrike until they do something else to get his attention.

Geralt: [Dice] I recover my feet and climb the stage, drawing my sword, and ready to dodge or strike as needed.

Jask: Sure. [Dice] I have no idea why Stregobor still has not attacked you, Geralt, but for some reason, he couldn’t give less of a crap.   
He steps back, having seen or sensed the magic of Bless, and throws a Magic Missile at Dara.  
[Dice] Solidly passes. It streaks away from him and…

Dara: [Dice] I dodge.

Jask: Nice. Roll to keep Bless going.

Dara: [Dice] Aw man. Fail.

Jask: Well, on the bright side, you do not get fried to a crisp. But you also drop Bless. So Streggs gets something for his efforts.  
Okay, that’s.. Yen?

Yen: I continue my illusion. [Dice] Success. There’s a whooshing sound, fierce winds buffeting the building and a creaking and cracking, like the whole ceiling is going to come off. And it does! The ceiling appears gone, roof open onto the starry heavens, and an eclipsed sun. But the wind is still blowing. A shape, so dark a red as to appear black crosses in front of the shining corona, swelling bigger and bigger as it glides in. It breathes a magnificent gout of flame as it comes in for a landing.  
I yell “Behold! Your doom comes, Stregobor! You know this dragon, you know which Goddess it heralds!”

Jask: [Dice] Ooh, Stregobor succeeds his perception. Barely.  
(mage voice) No. It’s not possible. It’s only illusion. The Werebbubb were mistaken-- there is no dragon in Lilit’s entourage.

Renfri: And yet, here I am. [Dice] Shit, barely succeed. The Shrike takes their short sword, the one the Witcher carried out of Blaviken all those years ago, the one they’ve held on to through all the fights since, and stabs Stregobor in the back.

Jask: [Dice] .. [CENSORED] he [CENSORED]... The Shrike thought they had the element of surprise, but Stregobor was on guard for just such a threat and he critically succeeds his dodge.  
He turns faster than he should have been able to, and knocks the Shrike’s sword aside, grabbing them by the front of their jerkin, and holding, hm, holding Ciri’s knife to their throat.  
(mage voice) I don’t know where you came from, little girl, or if you are even really alive, but there will be no escaping me this time. This time, I’ll part your pretty neck myself, and see what color you bleed.

Yen: I- I should fright check. 

Geralt: Yeah.

Jask: I agree. Everyone roll.

[Dice] [Dice] x 4

Geralt: Fail. I can’t do anything.

Renfri: Fail. [CENSORED] 

Yen: I drop the illusion.

Dara: I succeed. So I can do something on my next turn, maybe.

Ciri: Jaskier. _Jaskier._ Nat 20.

Jask: Oh _nice_ Ci- Fiona. Very nice.

Ciri: And it’s my turn, right?

Jask: Yeah, what do you want to do?

Ciri: Jaskier… Can I. Can I scream?

Jask: I mean I don’t know what- _OH!_ Oh [CENSORED] yes! Roll for it!

Ciri: [Dice] 19.

Jask: That is more than good enough for me!

Ciri: I see my friend about to die, and I see my other friends can’t help. And I see that the evil man is going to win. I’m Scared. I’m angry. And I scream.

Jaskier: And what a scream! Stregobor rolls fright check [Dice] and misses. He stands there open mouthed in horror as Fiona screams and screams and keeps screaming. The walls shake, the torches go out, but everything is white light and sparks anyway as a maelstrom begins. This is no illusion! The building shakes and shakes and Fiona screams with all the secret power in her bloodline that she still cannot control.   
But the power comes anyway, and the world trembles and the ceiling groans, screeches, weakened by Stregobor's initial volley already, it cannot stand to the power of the lion cub of Cintra, the granddaughter of the Black Sun.  
Chunks start to fall, smashing into the tables, and the dais, which splinters and gives way. Stregobor, Shrike, and White Wolf all tumble into the rubble, as the roof finally, with a last shriek of twisting wood and stone, collapses inwards, at last breaking Fiona’s concentration.

[beat of silence]

Dara: Sweet.

Ciri: Yes!! 

Geralt: Okay, sound off, who’s not dead?

Renfri: … did I just hear you make a Disney’s Atlantis reference?

Jaskier and Ciri: He loves it/that movie.

Yen: How did I not know that.

Ciri: Sometimes I think he pretends to be Milo Thatch when he and Roach go off to do their show.

Geralt: We’re done now. Jaskier, who’s dead?

Jask: (laughing a little) no one’s dead, I don’t think, except maybe Stregobor. Fiona still doesn’t understand her power, can only get it to come sometimes, when she needs it… but I think she has enough instinctive control to keep from accidentally killing her friends.

Dara: She better.

Jask: Okay, everyone roll. Let’s see who took damage. Hm, bonus of four, I think, to make it out unscathed.

[Dice x6]

Group: “yeah” “passed” “I’m safe” “sweet”

Renfri: All that drama and I _still_ took damage.

Jask: Ciri, do you want to roll for Shrike’s damage?

Ciri: ... _no._   
[Dice]   
Oh good, you don’t take much damage.

Jask: Excellent. Well, I gave stregobor the same penalty the other direction, and he did take damage. Do you want to roll for that as well?

Ciri: Take this! [Dice] 

Jask: ouch. Yeah. yeah that’s a lot. And the arm shot earlier. Plus the damage before he fled here… yeah, that’s consciousness check.   
[Dice]   
And, he doesn’t pass out. Just barely. But he’s not going anywhere very fast.  
Okay. Okay, so, the dust settles a little bit, and you all pick yourselves up.   
Near where the dias used to be, you all find the Shrike, bloodied a bit, but alive, and Stregobor, a sad crumpled heap pinned under the rubble.   
What do you do next?

Dara: Kick him in the [CENSORED] 

Ciri: (delighted) Dara! Yes!

Renfri: I love you kids, but I think his [CENSORED] is probably shielded by rock now, and I’ve got another idea, if you all don’t mind.

Geralt: Go ahead.

Yen: open to suggestion.

Jaskier: This is The Shrike’s arc, if it’s anyone’s. 

Renfri: Right, so.  
So Shrike picks themself up a little, and steps over to look down into the face of the mage that has tried again and again to take everything from them, just for the crime of being born a certain way.  
“Do you believe us now?” the Shrike says

Jaskier: He’s nearly done in, but he’s still a bitter prideful man, I think.  
(mage voice) Believe what? No dragon, no goddess. Just luck, and a confused little nobody, still mourning her crown.

Renfri: And what form should Lilit take, if not the form of one of her children? The dragon may have been illusory, but no dragon’s roar is more fearsome than the call of the last rose of Cintra.

Jask: (mage voice) … that’s not possible. All children of that line were killed. Every noble slaughtered. Starting with the Lioness and all her retinue.

Ciri: But I am here anyway.

Renfri: And how else would you explain her power?  
Or the fact that she was in _my_ service, that she took you out on _my_ behalf.

Jask: (mage voice) Oh, what, are you supposed to be Lilit now? Can you even _be_ a queen?

Renfri: Lilit is only one side of the coin. Her eastern side is Niya, hungry for blood still, but protector, too, of the abused. And claiming neither male nor female titles, but rather making their own title… and caring not if men are too fragile to handle that.

Jask: (mage voice) You prattle on, nagging, like an old woman despite your trousers. You may have defeated me, but you’ll never see your throne again, you’ll never regain your station.

Renfri: The Shrike shakes their head, saddened by the pitiful wizard’s short-sightedness.   
“I need no throne. Power is a tool, wielded for good or ill. Power itself does not bring happiness. Nor, I’m afraid, long life.”  
And then… where did my shortsword go?

Jask: It’s probably back in the rubble where you were. Do you want to scrounge for it?

Renfri: Not really, but I guess-

Geralt: White Wolf hands the Shrike his sword, hilt first. Since he last failed them, years ago in Blaviken, when he refused to choose a side… He understands now that, in not choosing a side, you side with power. You side with the system.  
He couldn’t choose then, though it’s far too late, he will choose now.

Renfri:... The Shrike accepts the sword, and sets it to the mage’s breast.

Jaskier: (mage voice) You can’t do this. I’ll pay you, I’ll craft you whatever you want, a crown, jewels… I can give you slaves! I can-

Renfri: You can die, in penance for all the lives you destroyed, and as prevention against you touching a single child more.  
And the Shrike sinks the blade into his chest, and twists.

Jaskier: … and Stregobor, The mighty, _terrible_ mage, leader of Ban Ard, most powerful of his generation… is dead.

[moment of silence]

Jaskier: Well. Well that was not exactly how I had written it-

Dara and Ciri: _Metagaming!_

Jask: Alright, fine. To finish then.  
Uh, I think everyone picks up their weapons and things, and Stregobor’s body-

Yen: White wolf and I both cast Igni, and let the [CENSORED] burn.

Jask: Yep, that sounds good. Okay, that taken care of, where do you want to go?

Dara: out of this building before it falls on us again.

Jask: Good plan. Oh! And once you’re all safely out in the sunshine again, here comes Dandelion, out from his hiding place, ready to hear the story.

Geralt: And where are we going?

[a beat]

Ciri: Nilfgaard? After Stregobor, won’t Fringilla be easy?

Yen: I don’t think so. But that seems a good direction.

Jask: Alright. You start walking towards Nilfgaard, telling Dandelion all about the fight, and the final sticky end for Stregobor.

Renfri: Might we possibly end at an inn of some kind? Get fed, watered and healed up?

Dara: Oh, I can do that...

Jaskier: Sure, I think there’s a town nearby… let me check the map...

Geralt: (interrupting a little) Come on, Dandelion. Let’s have it.

Jaskier: wha... Have what?

Ciri: Oh! Yes, you’ve got one, right?

Jaskier: N-No idea what you mean, Fiona.

Yen: Don’t make us beg or something.

Renfri: Come on, give it to us.

Dara: … please?

Jaskier: … fine. But only because you asked! And Dara… how could anyone harden their heart against that face??   
[Sound of uke being picked up, moved into place]  
[Strings and singing]

When the mages seek to take it all  
Trade our lives for power and control  
Counting on the Shadows to  
Cover What they’ve done  
If you still have power left to fight  
Bring their evil out into the light  
And Expose it to the world  
Gather everyone

Any Battle can be won!  
Fighting as a team, brave and free  
Together we are strong  
More than they could ever be  
Any battle can be won  
Fighting ‘til our foes are undone  
‘Cause evil can’t prevail  
When we all unite as one!

When they try to steal your rightful place  
Push you out of each and every space  
Lock the gate and tell you that  
There’s no room for you  
Even when you think you can’t advance   
Know that there will always be a chance  
Always be a way to win  
If we all come through!

[other voices joining in, the kids particularly nearly yelling at the end]

Any battle can be won!  
Fighting as a team, brave and free  
Together we are strong  
More than they could ever be  
Any battle can be won!  
Fighting ‘til our foes are undone  
‘Cause evil can’t prevail  
When we all unite as one!

[Strumming fades, singing ends]

Ciri: I like that one!

Dara: It’s okay.

Geralt: You were quite lucky, Bard, that we all survived this fight to be sung about.

Jaskier: Pish, I had faith. Um. Glad you all liked it, though. I wouldn’t want--

Geralt: Jaskier. It’s alright. [rustle of clothing]

Group: (hooting, hollering, wolf-whistling, clapping)

[noise of the microphone being moved]

Yen: for those of you who listen to the podcast version of this, Geralt just kissed Jaskier

Renfri: _Yeah_ he did, and Jaskier is kissing him back!

Ciri: so it’s not a secret any more? We can tell people you guys are totally in love and stuff.

Renfri : (whispering) _And stuff._

Yen: Okay, boys, are we going to finish this round or not?

[throats clearing, clothes shifting]

Geralt: Uh, it was a nice song, Dandelion.

Jask: Ah, yeah. Uh, I’ll be sure to write more like it, if that’s the response I can expect every time!

Renfri: Oh hush. Did you two plan that or what?

Jask: Well, sort of. We didn’t exactly say “and then we will kiss at the fifty minute mark” or anything, but-

Yen: And now if Renfri and I do that next week, we’ll look like copy-cats.

Ciri: Oh yay! No more secrets at all!

Renfri: Nope. might as well admit it, since Geralt and Jaskier stole our thunder. Spoil-sports.

Dara: Um, being fair and all, they have been dating longer than you.

Ciri: And known each other a LOT longer. And Geralt liked Jaskier for FOREVER before they started dating. It was waaaaay past time. 

Geralt: [clearing throat again] Hush, you. We don’t need to spill all my secrets in one episode.

Renfri: (laughing) I love you guys. God I love this game! Now, let’s stop metagaming, and go find that inn!

[Audio/Video ends]

**{Comments}**

_GmsNewGf:_ VinDicATIONNNNN!!! I fucking KNew it!!!

 _FuzzyFish028:_ ugh, more grandstanding by the bard  
_AllThisShi’sAwesome:_ oh, swim off and pee on some other channel, fishy

 _Borbs uwu:_ suck it, stregabor

 _GoneWitchering22:_ love wins  
_AirRow2thKnee:_ I think it was a sword  
_GoneWitchering22:_ LOVE WINS

 _PanDandelionRights_ : I Love Everyone In This Bar

-

🎵 Toss a coin to your Witcher,

Oh Valley of Plenty 🎵

[Kazoo]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CAST-  
> Elle_dubs: Jaskier, Dara  
> Wereflamingo: Geralt, Yennefer, Ciri  
> SSLeif: Renfri  
> Phaden: The Voice of the Internet
> 
> Further credits, full filks (incl chords, notes, and a zip of just those files), sources, and end notes (including on Yen's disability, and tetchy topics like RPF) are in the next chapter.
> 
> Let us know what you thought, and hit that subscribe button! XD ;)
> 
> Thanks for reading/listening!


	2. Filks, Aditional notes/commentary, and bibliography

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have here included the full text and chords for each of the filks we wrote, additional notes on content/headcanons/process, and finally a list of resources and inspirations in the last note.

[Download or torrent the filk zip file here!](https://archive.org/details/toss-a-coin-to-my-patreon-filk-album)

### Filks:

**Previously on Our Campaign (The Party Finds Renfri)  
** Lyrics by Elle_Dubs  
Performed by Elle_dubs (voice, ukulele)  
Original Song: [Idylls of the King](https://youtu.be/O5XajZNGbHo) by The Mountain Goats  
Chord input by SSLeif  
(Adapted from the Guitar chordsheet on the [Mountain Goats Wiki](http://www.themountaingoats.net/wiki)  
then transposed up 5 steps for Ukulele and timed by ear)

(C*: Strum the C, then do this pulloff:

A |-3-3-3-3-|  
E |-0-3-2-0-|  
C |-0-0-0-0-|  
G |---------| )  
  
[Intro]  
G Cm Em7 C  
C* G D G  
  
[Verse 1]  
G Cm Em7 C  
This Town, In need of a hero  
C* G Dsus4 D  
These farmers, being eaten by a beast  
G Cm Em7 C  
This day, our intrepid band shows up  
C* G Dsus4 D  
The townsfolk beg them to halt the feast  
G C  
All of them, all of them  
G C  
All of them, all of them  
G D  
All of them, all of them, all of them, all of them,  
G Cm Em7 C  
All lined up  
C* G D G  
  
[Verse 2]  
G Cm Em7 C  
Kings and Knights refuse to help these people  
C* G Dsus4 D  
but The White Wolf and his party will fight the monster  
G Cm Em7 C  
he takes to the woods; they get deeper and darker  
C* G Dsus4 D  
Yennefer, Fiona, and Dara filling out the roster  
G C  
All of them, all of them  
G C  
All of them, all of them  
G D  
All of them, all of them, all of them, all of them,  
G G  
All lined up  
  
[Bridge]  
A7 D7 G C  
How long will we ride this path love?  
A7 D7 G C  
How long till we find the caves in which it hides?  
A7 D7 G C  
My dreams are haunted by Fringilla, and armies from Nilfgaard  
C Dsus4  
Fiona throws a stone into a cavern  
Dsus4 D  
The beast lets out a fearsome cry--  
  
[Verse 3]  
G Cm   
Your face--   
  
  


**  
Bad Women  
** Lyrics by Wereflamingo  
Performed by Elle_dubs (voice, Ukulele)  
Original song: [Brown-eyed women](https://youtu.be/4PekdeINQco) by the Grateful Dead  
Chord input by SSLeif (transposed up 3 steps for Uke, made up some stuff at the begining)

A|----------------------------------------------------------------|  
E|----------------------------------------------------------------|  
C|---2-3-4---4---4^6\4---2---2^4----------------------------------|  
G|-------------------------------4---2-0-2---2---2---2-4-2-0---2--|  
  
[Intro]  
Em G Em C G  
  
[Verse 1]  
Em G  
60 Maidens in Bright Gold crowns  
D C  
They call them monsters and they hunt them down  
Em G  
There’s a mutation so the sorcerers say  
C G  
You’ll find the truth on the surgeon’s tray  
  
[Chorus]  
D  
Bad Women who won’t stay down  
C G D  
Locked up in their towers, Poisoned, and drowned  
C G Em  
End of the world is coming, Let it all Burn  
Am C G G B Em  
The Black sun maidens say It’s Lilit’s turn  
  
[Verse 2]  
Em G  
Isn’t it easy when it’s not your skin,  
D C  
Spinning tales about the beast within.  
Em G  
You’ll never know until they've paid the price,  
C G  
The lesser evil takes a sacrifice.  
  
[Chorus]  
Em G  
Rivers of blood will wash the valleys clean,  
D C  
You were a princess, never been a queen.  
Em G  
Just break it down and build it all up new,  
C G  
You know this world was never meant for you  
  
[Bridge]  
Dm C G  
Down in Blaviken, Sunday Market  
Dm C G  
Stregabor set a trap of swords  
Em D C Bm  
The Shrike went down after years of fighting,  
C G G B Em  
But the Witcher never let him take the corpse.  
Em G  
So are they monsters, or just people plain?  
D C  
You’ve heard them speak but never felt their pain.  
Em G  
You could try silver, but you’ve thought before,  
C G  
Maybe the monster’s name is Stregabor.  
  
[Chorus]  
D  
Bad Women who won’t stay down  
C G D  
Locked up in their towers, Poisoned, and drowned  
C G Em  
End of the world is coming, Let it all Burn  
Am C G   
The Black sun maidens say It’s Lilit’s turn  
Am C G   
The Black sun maidens say It’s Lilit’s turn  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Consent is Crucial  
** Lyrics by Wereflamingo  
Performed by Elle_Dubs (Voice, Ukulele)  
Additionally Performed by Wereflamingo (Voice), and SSLeif (Kazoo)  
Original song: [Drag is Magic](https://youtu.be/JbU60p0QxFk) by Nina West  
Chord input by SSLeif (Basic Chords from Chordify, cleaned up, and transposed up 5 steps)

[Intro]  
A# Gm A# Gm  
  
[Verse 1]  
A#  
What’s consent?  
Gm A#  
It’s when you ask permission before you touch  
Gm  
Not just that they don’t say no  
A# Gm F  
Maybe they’re polite and just don’t wanna cause a scene  
F   
Or on autopilot   
A# F#  
or frozen still  
Gm A#  
There are many reasons people can’t say stop  
Gm  
So you gotta be attentive  
A# Gm F  
All you gotta do is use your words and check in  
  
[Chorus]  
A#  
Go on and ask them  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
A#  
You gotta ask them  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
  
Go on and ask ‘em  
A#  
Are you okay?  
F  
Is this still fun?  
Eb  
Do you wanna stop?  
A#  
We can do something else  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
A# Gm A# Gm  
Consent is crucial (Kazoo)  
  
[Verse 2]  
A#  
What’s consent  
Gm A#  
Consent is a decision, Yes or No  
Gm  
Desire or attraction  
A# Gm F  
Can’t replace consent or your autonomy  
F  
Cause only you decide  
A# Gm   
And you gotta talk, you can’t read their mind  
A# Gm  
And they cannot read yours; For real communication  
A# Gm F  
All you gotta do is use your words and check in  
  
[Chorus]  
A#  
Go on and ask them

F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
A#  
You gotta ask them  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
  
Go on and ask ‘em  
A#  
Are you okay?  
F  
Is this still fun?  
Eb  
Do you wanna stop?  
A#  
We can do something else  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
A# Gm A# Gm  
Consent is crucial (Kazoo)  
  
[Bridge] (spoken, chord change once per measure)  
A# Eb  
Y'know, you can change your mind anytime you need  
A#  
Now repeat after me  
Eb  
We're gonna start real quiet  
A# Eb  
What do you want? (What do you want)  
A# Eb  
How does this feel? (How does this feel)  
A# Eb  
Show me what you like (Show me what you like)  
F  
It’s just that easy to make consent sexy  
  
[Chorus]  
A#  
Go on and ask them  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
A#  
You gotta ask them  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
  
Go on and ask ‘em  
A#  
Are you okay?  
F  
Is this still fun?  
Eb  
Do you wanna stop?  
A#  
We can do something else  
F Eb  
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la  
A# Gm A# Gm  
Consent is crucial (Kazoo)

  
  


**Myself to Blame  
** Lyrics by Elle_dubs  
Performed by Elle_dubs (Voice, Ukulele)  
Original song: [All The Same](https://youtu.be/RiJQoxYw8SY) by Julia Nunes

C  
They all say the same thing   
G  
‘Bout how I give too much of myself  
F Dm  
I hold them like I wish they would hold me  
Am (Em)  
I cling ‘til they say their farewells

C C7+  
Am I pre-programmed to live for somebody else?  
Am Am  
I try to be my best self for them so someone holds me like I long to be held  
  
C  
It’s all the same  
G  
Just different games  
F  
Like a moth to the flame  
F  
I have myself to blame

C C7+  
I jump in feet first like I forget that I just keep getting hurt  
F  
Skinny dipping in the night, and I grab your hand  
Am  
You pull away from me and go stand on the dry land

C C7+ F  
When will I learn how to discern who’s on my side?  
Am  
And who’s gonna leave me to cry

C  
It’s all the same  
G  
Just different names  
F  
I jump in front of the train  
Am C F  
I have myself to blame

C  
It’s all the same  
G  
I’ve heard the refrain  
F  
It’s not complex or arcane  
Am C F  
I have myself to blame

C C7+ F Am   
I’m a little much I guess  
C C7+ F Am  
Who could love this crazy mess?

C  
It’s all the same  
G  
The camera’s aimed  
F  
And I’m knocked out of the frame  
Am C F  
I have myself to blame

C  
It’s all the same  
G  
Just different games  
F  
Like a moth to the flame  
Am C F  
I have myself to blame  
  


Note: I took a very lovely, sweet song and made it very maudlin and melodramatic. There were parts in here with question marks for weeks because I couldn't decide if it was just TOO. MUCH. Even for Jaskier.

**Any Battle Can Be Won  
** Lyrics by Wereflamingo  
Performed by Elle_dubs (voice), SSLeif (Ukulele)  
Original Song: [Мы желаем счастья Вам](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A99fZ0v-0w8) by Stas Namin  
Basic chords from Chordify, then modified by ear.

[Verse 1]  
Dm Gm  
When the mages seek to take it all,  
Dm Gm  
trade our lives for power and control,  
Dm A# A  
Counting on the shadows to cover what they've done.  
Dm Gm  
If you still have power left to fight,  
Dm Gm  
Bring their evil out into the light,  
Dm A# A  
And expose it to the world, gather everyone  
  
[Chorus]  
Dm  
Any battle can be won  
Gm  
fighting as a team, brave and free  
A  
together we are strong  
Dm A  
more than they could ever be  
Dm  
Any battle can be won  
Gm  
Fighting 'til our foes are undone  
A  
'Cause evil can't prevail  
Dm A D  
When we all unite as one  
  
[Verse 2]  
Dm Gm  
When they try to steal your rightful place  
Dm Gm  
push you out of each and every space  
Dm A# A  
lock the gate and tell you that there's no room for you  
Dm Gm  
Even when you think you can't advance  
Dm Gm  
know that there will always be a chance  
Dm A# A  
Always be a way to win if we all come through  
  
[Chorus]  
Dm  
Any battle can be won  
Gm  
fighting as a team, brave and free  
A  
together we are strong  
Dm A  
more than they could ever be  
Dm  
Any battle can be won  
Gm  
Fighting 'til our foes are undone  
A  
'Cause evil can't prevail  
Dm A D  
When we all unite as one  
  
[repeat chorus a shit-ton of times until you're tired of it]  
  
  


Notes: this based on a song the title of which translates to “We Wish You Happiness”, that is traditionally sung on New Year’s Eve by post-Soviet folks. New Year’s Eve was THE major family holiday in the USSR, since it was non-religious, and thus allowed, so it’s a Big Deal. We sing it all together at midnight and it just means so much to me. It’s a big happy togetherness song, so I figured it would fit our finale. Oh, and it’s also a drinking song. Just saying.

Bonus verse that ended up being too general to fit our project and the chorus:

  
Dm Gm  
When you're hunting monsters on the path  
Dm Gm  
Fleeing from a dragon's fiery wrath  
Dm A# A  
When your purse is empty and contracts can't be found  
Dm Gm  
When you can't be sure that you'll survive  
Dm Gm  
When it's hard to keep your hope alive  
Dm A# A  
Make sure to remember that friends will be around

**Melitele, What a Hero!  
** Lyrics by Wereflamingo  
Performed by Elle_dubs (Voice, Ukulele)  
Original Song: [О Боже, какой мужчина!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYAf3JEB7Xc) By Natali  
With chord input from SSLeif (Basics pulled off Chordify, then modified by ear)

[opening]  
Melitele, what a hero!  
  
[intro:]  
Dm Dm Gm Bb  
  
[verse 1]  
Dm  
You were created with tremendous strength  
Gm Bb  
to protect the human race  
Dm  
Superior senses and magic powers  
Gm A  
We're so lucky - that you're ours  
  
[Verse 2]  
Dm  
When we set off on this adventure  
Gm Bb  
We didn't know we'd be so good together  
Dm Gm  
You're the slayer of every monster  
A  
The Witcher of all our dreams  
  
[Chorus]  
Dm Gm  
Melitele, What a hero!  
C Dm  
Your swords are shiny just like a mirror  
Gm  
Your armor's made of the best leather,  
C Dm  
Our Hero, forever!  
  
[alternate chorus for when the group complains]  
Dm Gm  
Melitele, what a hero!  
C Dm  
You're the best, couldn't be clearer!  
Gm  
And so are our Shrike and Yenna,  
C Dm  
Fiona, and Dara  
  


Notes: I just wanted to make sure you know that the original for this is just as ridiculous as the filk. The chorus translates to “Oh, god, what a man/ I want a son from you/ I want a daughter from you”. So, y’know, SSLeif said, what if Jaskier performs a song with some subtle praise to the hotness of witchers, and I said, sure, but what if instead it’s NOT SUBTLE AT ALL??

### Endnotes

**From Wereflamingo:**

Oh my god, this was huge. When we were brainstorming, we were quite aware our plans were overambitious, but since all three of us enjoy overambitious projects, we went for it. At the writing deadline we had to curb that ambition and limit what a minimal project would look like, since it seemed like we could just add modules forever, and that helped us on the final deadline too, but sure enough, 3 more modules made it into the project between our extension deadline and our very late reveal date (which I heavily hinted we would like for this specific purpose, so thanks, mods!). I am very glad I got matched with partners who turned out to be down for something this complex, you guys were awesome, but also, let’s not do it again for like, at least a year, and never again for a fest with such a tight deadline because I am exhausted. XD

Yennefer’s video with the intro song Q&A was ad-libbed and then improved upon by me, because those are legit my actual opinions/experiences and you can treat that as notes for the filk. But I totally should have just written it down as notes and let SSLeif turn it into a script, turns out I’m not great at ad-libbing and also I ramble.

The filks were so much fun to write, and I just couldn’t stop! Four in this project, and then I made two more as party favors, one for the Filk Broken Telephone (as did Elle_Dubs and SSLeif, because filks are how we roll), and one more witcher filk that didn’t make it into the project, and also I'm totally making a filk for a big bang now. I don’t think I had ever written a full filk before this, even though I love filk sing-alongs in my offline fandom life, but now I’m ready for all the filk competitions! Bring it on.

On that note, I maaaay have hidden some easter eggs that are relevant to a very small group of people in some of the commenter names. If you associate yourself with one or more of those usernames, first of all hi, and second, the related comment(s) do not represent my perception of what your real opinions may be.

**From SSLeif:**

So first, thanks to my fab podficcers. Y'all, what you did was so Freaking cool, I CANNOT BELIeVE what this turned into, and it was super gratifying to get to work with you. This was such a blast. Holy crap.

Content notes:

The Time Period- so when we were brainstorming this, it was mid-june, 2020. We did not have then, and at time of recording still don't really have now, any idea what things are going to look like in a post 2020 world. It seemed easiest, both logistically and mentally, to backdate this piece. So 2018 was chosen, arbitrarily.

Yen’s disability- Deliberately non-specific. But obviously inspired by her pre-transformation situation on the show. Since it may be a partially magical ailment on the show (some business about her part-Elven genetics), and also none of us has particular experience with or knowledge of that kind of condition, we didn't want to slap on a label, thoughtlessly. The headcanon is that in addition to sex ed stuff and makeup stuff, part of her channel’s content would include videos specifically talking about her condition(s) (think: Jessica Kellgren-Fozard), and so her audience would know, but we felt we didn’t have the resources/experience to do that comprehensively or with appropriate sensitivities, so we’ve left that part mostly alone. If you DO have the resources or experience, and would like to play in our sandbox, please feel welcome!

Queerbaiting- there are several schools of thought on how “real” of a phenomenon it is. My stance is that it both is, absolutely, a thing that is done… and also sometimes is a thing that people accuse shows of when they don’t like a writing decision. Hopefully it is clear that the views of the “comment sections” are fictional and not intended to necessarily reflect our own.

RPF: again, views differ, Your Mileage May Vary, my stance is: as long as it’s not about actual actors who are minors, it’s fine. The problem comes from people/fans/interviewers confronting actors/staff with it to elicit a reaction from them-- but that’s no less inappropriate when it happens with slash, or graphic content, etc. As fans, we should, and most of us normally do, do our best to respect actor/writer/creator boundaries, and that’s enough, I think.

Hopefully, that's enough to clear up the big questions... but PLEASE holler at us if you would like to chat about stuff. We have SO MUCH BACKSTORY that never made it into this little slice-of-life window... it's potentially a big big world, and if anyone would like to join us and roll around in it (as we've been doing the last few months), that's Be SWEET. XD <33

**From Elle_dubs:**

OMG. I had so much fun working with these folks. I must have rolled a Nat 20 to get on this team. They were so talented and amazing and creative, I haven't met people this awesome since Voice Team. We started out with a very basic concept, and workshopped it together to fill it out a little, and then SSLief took it and RAN and said to us please, write as many filks as you want! And I was like yep, that sounds good. In fact, I dusted off my ukulele so that we didn't have to use any faked background tracks... all the musics become OURS. As we got further and further into the project we were like, is this too much? NAH. How about now? NAH. Do we want to add three more episodes? Inevitably, SO MUCH YES. I hope everyone enjoys the fic as much as I enjoyed making it ... but that's a really high bar, so good luck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **References and Resources**
> 
> YouTube Videos:  
> [“How to design a stage combat scene, practice, and film it”](https://youtu.be/DctsysVpLKY) by Jill Bearup (there are several lines in Renfri’s combat tutorial that are straight out of this video, and the choreography/blocking is from here is well)  
> Stef Sanjati. Just, in general. She’s always inspiring. XD[ Check her out!](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkQJ4YUx54LB23tgOt-Tx-w)  
> Jessica Kellgren-Fozard. Highy recommend: [Check her out!](https://www.youtube.com/user/MissJessicaKH)  
> Also ambient Info dump ASMR channels like this one: <https://youtu.be/zTLu3QRhqq4>
> 
> Podcasts:  
> [Film Re-roll podcast](https://www.filmreroll.com/)  
> [BBC’s Scotland Outdoors](https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p08f0ctf)
> 
> Songs (parodied for filk):  
> [“Brown-eyed women”](https://youtu.be/4PekdeINQco) by The Grateful Dead  
> [“Drag is Magic”](https://youtu.be/JbU60p0QxFk) by Nina West  
> [“Idylls of the King”](https://youtu.be/O5XajZNGbHo) by The Mountain Goats  
> [“All the Same”](https://youtu.be/RiJQoxYw8SY) by Julia Nunes  
> [“Мы желаем счастья Вам”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A99fZ0v-0w8) by Stas Namin  
> [“О Боже, какой мужчина!”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYAf3JEB7Xc) By Natali 
> 
> Other:  
> [Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods](https://digitalcommons.unl.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1008&context=nebraskianapubs), which is in the public domain  
> [The Dildorks](https://thedildorks.wordpress.com/): Dorky discourse on sex, dating, and masturbating
> 
> Sound effects and ambiance for Geralt's channel + ambience for Yenfri trailer (some may not have been used, this is all of my related freesound download history -wf): [1](https://freesound.org/people/ajaxschuren/sounds/384708/) [2](https://freesound.org/people/15F_Panska_SnajdarFilip/sounds/461426/) [3](https://freesound.org/people/15GPanskaCepelak_Adam/sounds/461841/) [4](https://freesound.org/people/fthgurdy/sounds/528950/) [5](https://freesound.org/people/Jace/sounds/155321/) [6](https://freesound.org/people/SpaceJoe/sounds/483184/) [7](https://freesound.org/people/blukotek/sounds/424949/) [8](https://freesound.org/people/Magdaadga/sounds/420390/) [9](https://freesound.org/people/kyles/sounds/407217/) [10](https://freesound.org/people/kvgarlic/sounds/489774/) [11](https://freesound.org/people/keweldog/sounds/181801/) [12](https://freesound.org/people/bartoszmatenko/sounds/515331/) [13](https://freesound.org/people/jedg/sounds/505821/) [14](https://freesound.org/people/Benjamin152/sounds/445144/) [15](https://freesound.org/people/nsstudios/sounds/343074/) [16](https://freesound.org/people/ross_sinc/sounds/444789/) [17](https://freesound.org/people/Emile99/sounds/441895/) [18](https://freesound.org/people/margaridarodrigues/sounds/463571/) [19](https://freesound.org/people/bitkar/sounds/240317/) [20](https://freesound.org/people/lebosqui/sounds/165339/)  
> [record scratch](https://freesound.org/people/filmsndfx/sounds/369673/)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for Reading/Listening!


End file.
